stream: make `.destroy()` interact better with write queue

Make sure that it is safe to call the callback for `_write()`
even in the presence of `.destroy()` calls during that write.

In particular, letting the write queue continue processing would
previously have thrown an exception, because processing writes
after calling `.destroy()` is forbidden.

One test had to be modified to account for the fact that callbacks
for writes will now always be called, even when the stream
is destroyed during the process.

PR-URL: https://github.com/nodejs/node/pull/24062
Reviewed-By: Matteo Collina <matteo.collina@gmail.com>
Reviewed-By: James M Snell <jasnell@gmail.com>

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