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diff --git a/deps/node/benchmark/fixtures/alice.html b/deps/node/benchmark/fixtures/alice.html deleted file mode 100644 index a794e258..00000000 --- a/deps/node/benchmark/fixtures/alice.html +++ /dev/null @@ -1,3865 +0,0 @@ -<!DOCTYPE HTML PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD HTML 4.01 Transitional//EN"><html><head><title>The Project Gutenberg Etext of Alice's Adventures in Wonderland, by Lewis Carroll</title> <meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=iso-8859-1"><style type="text/css"><!-- body{margin:10%;text-align:justify}p.asterisks{font-size:150%;font-family:monospace;text-align:center}--></style> </head><body><pre> -The Project Gutenberg Etext of Alice's Adventures in Wonderland -This is an HTML reprint of #1 in our series by Lewis Carroll - - -Copyright laws are changing all over the world, be sure to check -the copyright laws for your country before posting these files!! - -Please take a look at the important information in this header. -We encourage you to keep this file on your own disk, keeping an -electronic path open for the next readers. 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FOR PUBLIC DOMAIN ETEXTS*Ver.04.29.93*END* - - - - - -</pre> - -<hr> -<h1 align="Center">ALICE'S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND</h1> - -<h3 align="Center">Lewis Carroll</h3> - -<p align="Center"><i>THE MILLENNIUM FULCRUM EDITION 3.0</i></p> - -<hr> -<h3 align="Center">CHAPTER I</h3> - -<h3 align="Center">Down the Rabbit-Hole</h3> - -<p>Alice was beginning to get very tired of sitting by her sister -on the bank, and of having nothing to do: once or twice she had -peeped into the book her sister was reading, but it had no -pictures or conversations in it, 'and what is the use of a book,' -thought Alice 'without pictures or conversation?'</p> - -<p>So she was considering in her own mind (as well as she could, -for the hot day made her feel very sleepy and stupid), whether -the pleasure of making a daisy-chain would be worth the trouble -of getting up and picking the daisies, when suddenly a White -Rabbit with pink eyes ran close by her.</p> - -<p>There was nothing so <i>very</i> remarkable in that; nor did -Alice think it so <i>very</i> much out of the way to hear the -Rabbit say to itself, 'Oh dear! Oh dear! I shall be late!' (when -she thought it over afterwards, it occurred to her that she ought -to have wondered at this, but at the time it all seemed quite -natural); but when the Rabbit actually <i>took a watch out of its -waistcoat-pocket,</i> and looked at it, and then hurried on, -Alice started to her feet, for it flashed across her mind that -she had never before seen a rabbit with either a -waistcoat-pocket, or a watch to take out of it, and burning with -curiosity, she ran across the field after it, and fortunately was -just in time to see it pop down a large rabbit-hole under the -hedge.</p> - -<p>In another moment down went Alice after it, never once -considering how in the world she was to get out again.</p> - -<p>The rabbit-hole went straight on like a tunnel for some way, -and then dipped suddenly down, so suddenly that Alice had not a -moment to think about stopping herself before she found herself -falling down a very deep well.</p> - -<p>Either the well was very deep, or she fell very slowly, for -she had plenty of time as she went down to look about her and to -wonder what was going to happen next. First, she tried to look -down and make out what she was coming to, but it was too dark to -see anything; then she looked at the sides of the well, and -noticed that they were filled with cupboards and book-shelves; -here and there she saw maps and pictures hung upon pegs. She took -down a jar from one of the shelves as she passed; it was labelled -'ORANGE MARMALADE', but to her great disappointment it was empty: -she did not like to drop the jar for fear of killing somebody, so -managed to put it into one of the cupboards as she fell past -it.</p> - -<p>'Well!' thought Alice to herself, 'after such a fall as this, -I shall think nothing of tumbling down stairs! How brave they'll -all think me at home! Why, I wouldn't say anything about it, even -if I fell off the top of the house!' (Which was very likely -true.)</p> - -<p>Down, down, down. Would the fall <i>never</i> come to an end! -'I wonder how many miles I've fallen by this time?' she said -aloud. 'I must be getting somewhere near the centre of the earth. -Let me see: that would be four thousand miles down, I think--' -(for, you see, Alice had learnt several things of this sort in -her lessons in the schoolroom, and though this was not a <i>very</i> -good opportunity for showing off her knowledge, as there was no -one to listen to her, still it was good practice to say it over) -'--yes, that's about the right distance--but then I wonder what -Latitude or Longitude I've got to?' (Alice had no idea what -Latitude was, or Longitude either, but thought they were nice -grand words to say.)</p> - -<p>Presently she began again. 'I wonder if I shall fall right -<i>through</i> the earth! How funny it'll seem to come out among -the people that walk with their heads downward! The Antipathies, -I think--' (she was rather glad there <i>was</i> no one listening, this -time, as it didn't sound at all the right word) '--but I shall -have to ask them what the name of the country is, you know. -Please, Ma'am, is this New Zealand or Australia?' (and she tried -to curtsey as she spoke--fancy <i>curtseying</i> as you're -falling through the air! Do you think you could manage it?) 'And -what an ignorant little girl she'll think me for asking! No, -it'll never do to ask: perhaps I shall see it written up -somewhere.'</p> - -<p>Down, down, down. There was nothing else to do, so Alice soon -began talking again. 'Dinah'll miss me very much to-night, I -should think!' (Dinah was the cat.) 'I hope they'll remember her -saucer of milk at tea-time. Dinah my dear! I wish you were down -here with me! There are no mice in the air, I'm afraid, but you -might catch a bat, and that's very like a mouse, you know. But do -cats eat bats, I wonder?' And here Alice began to get rather -sleepy, and went on saying to herself, in a dreamy sort of way, -'Do cats eat bats? Do cats eat bats?' and sometimes, 'Do bats eat -cats?' for, you see, as she couldn't answer either question, it -didn't much matter which way she put it. She felt that she was -dozing off, and had just begun to dream that she was walking hand -in hand with Dinah, and saying to her very earnestly, 'Now, -Dinah, tell me the truth: did you ever eat a bat?' when suddenly, -thump! thump! down she came upon a heap of sticks and dry leaves, -and the fall was over.</p> - -<p>Alice was not a bit hurt, and she jumped up on to her feet in -a moment: she looked up, but it was all dark overhead; before her -was another long passage, and the White Rabbit was still in -sight, hurrying down it. There was not a moment to be lost: away -went Alice like the wind, and was just in time to hear it say, as -it turned a corner, 'Oh my ears and whiskers, how late it's -getting!' She was close behind it when she turned the corner, but -the Rabbit was no longer to be seen: she found herself in a long, -low hall, which was lit up by a row of lamps hanging from the -roof.</p> - -<p>There were doors all round the hall, but they were all locked; -and when Alice had been all the way down one side and up the -other, trying every door, she walked sadly down the middle, -wondering how she was ever to get out again.</p> - -<p>Suddenly she came upon a little three-legged table, all made -of solid glass; there was nothing on it except a tiny golden key, -and Alice's first thought was that it might belong to one of the -doors of the hall; but, alas! either the locks were too large, or -the key was too small, but at any rate it would not open any of -them. However, on the second time round, she came upon a low -curtain she had not noticed before, and behind it was a little -door about fifteen inches high: she tried the little golden key -in the lock, and to her great delight it fitted!</p> - -<p>Alice opened the door and found that it led into a small -passage, not much larger than a rat-hole: she knelt down and -looked along the passage into the loveliest garden you ever saw. -How she longed to get out of that dark hall, and wander about -among those beds of bright flowers and those cool fountains, but -she could not even get her head though the doorway; 'and even if -my head <i>would</i> go through,' thought poor Alice, 'it would -be of very little use without my shoulders. Oh, how I wish I -could shut up like a telescope! I think I could, if I only know -how to begin.' For, you see, so many out-of-the-way things had -happened lately, that Alice had begun to think that very few -things indeed were really impossible.</p> - -<p>There seemed to be no use in waiting by the little door, so -she went back to the table, half hoping she might find another -key on it, or at any rate a book of rules for shutting people up -like telescopes: this time she found a little bottle on it, -('which certainly was not here before,' said Alice,) and round -the neck of the bottle was a paper label, with the words 'DRINK -ME' beautifully printed on it in large letters.</p> - -<p>It was all very well to say 'Drink me,' but the wise little -Alice was not going to do <i>that</i> in a hurry. 'No, I'll look -first,' she said, 'and see whether it's marked "<i>poison</i>" or -not'; for she had read several nice little histories about -children who had got burnt, and eaten up by wild beasts and other -unpleasant things, all because they <i>would</i> not remember the -simple rules their friends had taught them: such as, that a -red-hot poker will burn you if you hold it too long; and that if -you cut your finger <i>very</i> deeply with a knife, it usually -bleeds; and she had never forgotten that, if you drink much from -a bottle marked '<i>poison</i>,' it is almost certain to disagree -with you, sooner or later.</p> - -<p>However, this bottle was <i>not</i> marked 'poison,' so Alice -ventured to taste it, and finding it very nice, (it had, in fact, -a sort of mixed flavour of cherry-tart, custard, pine-apple, -roast turkey, toffee, and hot buttered toast,) she very soon -finished it off.</p> - -<p class="asterisks"> -<br> -* * * * * -<br> -* * * * -<br> -* * * * * -<br> -</p> - -<p>'What a curious feeling!' said Alice; 'I must be shutting up -like a telescope.'</p> - -<p>And so it was indeed: she was now only ten inches high, and -her face brightened up at the thought that she was now the right -size for going through the little door into that lovely garden. -First, however, she waited for a few minutes to see if she was -going to shrink any further: she felt a little nervous about -this; 'for it might end, you know,' said Alice to herself, 'in my -going out altogether, like a candle. I wonder what I should be -like then?' And she tried to fancy what the flame of a candle is -like after the candle is blown out, for she could not remember -ever having seen such a thing.</p> - -<p>After a while, finding that nothing more happened, she decided -on going into the garden at once; but, alas for poor Alice! when -she got to the door, she found she had forgotten the little -golden key, and when she went back to the table for it, she found -she could not possibly reach it: she could see it quite plainly -through the glass, and she tried her best to climb up one of the -legs of the table, but it was too slippery; and when she had -tired herself out with trying, the poor little thing sat down and -cried.</p> - -<p>'Come, there's no use in crying like that!' said Alice to -herself, rather sharply; 'I advise you to leave off this minute!' -She generally gave herself very good advice, (though she very -seldom followed it), and sometimes she scolded herself so -severely as to bring tears into her eyes; and once she remembered -trying to box her own ears for having cheated herself in a game -of croquet she was playing against herself, for this curious -child was very fond of pretending to be two people. 'But it's no -use now,' thought poor Alice, 'to pretend to be two people! Why, -there's hardly enough of me left to make <i>one</i> respectable -person!'</p> - -<p>Soon her eye fell on a little glass box that was lying under -the table: she opened it, and found in it a very small cake, on -which the words 'EAT ME' were beautifully marked in currants. -'Well, I'll eat it,' said Alice, 'and if it makes me grow larger, -I can reach the key; and if it makes me grow smaller, I can creep -under the door; so either way I'll get into the garden, and I -don't care which happens!'</p> - -<p>She ate a little bit, and said anxiously to herself, 'Which -way? Which way?', holding her hand on the top of her head to feel -which way it was growing, and she was quite surprised to find -that she remained the same size: to be sure, this generally -happens when one eats cake, but Alice had got so much into the -way of expecting nothing but out-of-the-way things to happen, -that it seemed quite dull and stupid for life to go on in the -common way.</p> - -<p>So she set to work, and very soon finished off the cake.</p> - -<p class="asterisks"> -<br> -* * * * * -<br> -* * * * -<br> -* * * * * -<br> -</p> - -<hr> -<h3 align="Center">CHAPTER II</h3> - -<h3 align="Center">The Pool of Tears</h3> - -<p>'Curiouser and curiouser!' cried Alice (she was so much -surprised, that for the moment she quite forgot how to speak good -English); 'now I'm opening out like the largest telescope that -ever was! Good-bye, feet!' (for when she looked down at her feet, -they seemed to be almost out of sight, they were getting so far -off). 'Oh, my poor little feet, I wonder who will put on your -shoes and stockings for you now, dears? I'm sure <i>I</i> shan't -be able! I shall be a great deal too far off to trouble myself -about you: you must manage the best way you can; --but I must be -kind to them,' thought Alice, 'or perhaps they won't walk the way -I want to go! Let me see: I'll give them a new pair of boots -every Christmas.'</p> - -<p>And she went on planning to herself how she would manage it. -'They must go by the carrier,' she thought; 'and how funny it'll -seem, sending presents to one's own feet! And how odd the -directions will look!</p> - -<blockquote><i>ALICE'S RIGHT FOOT, ESQ.</i> -<p><i>HEARTHRUG,</i></p> - -<p><i>NEAR THE FENDER,</i></p> - -<p><i>(WITH ALICE'S LOVE).</i></p> -</blockquote> - -<p>Oh dear, what nonsense I'm talking!'</p> - -<p>Just then her head struck against the roof of the hall: in -fact she was now more than nine feet high, and she at once took -up the little golden key and hurried off to the garden door.</p> - -<p>Poor Alice! It was as much as she could do, lying down on one -side, to look through into the garden with one eye; but to get -through was more hopeless than ever: she sat down and began to -cry again.</p> - -<p>'You ought to be ashamed of yourself,' said Alice, 'a great -girl like you,' (she might well say this), 'to go on crying in -this way! Stop this moment, I tell you!' But she went on all the -same, shedding gallons of tears, until there was a large pool all -round her, about four inches deep and reaching half down the -hall.</p> - -<p>After a time she heard a little pattering of feet in the -distance, and she hastily dried her eyes to see what was coming. -It was the White Rabbit returning, splendidly dressed, with a -pair of white kid gloves in one hand and a large fan in the -other: he came trotting along in a great hurry, muttering to -himself as he came, 'Oh! the Duchess, the Duchess! Oh! -<i>won't</i> she be savage if I've kept her waiting!' Alice felt -so desperate that she was ready to ask help of any one; so, when -the Rabbit came near her, she began, in a low, timid voice, 'If -you please, sir--' The Rabbit started violently, dropped the -white kid gloves and the fan, and skurried away into the darkness -as hard as he could go.</p> - -<p>Alice took up the fan and gloves, and, as the hall was very -hot, she kept fanning herself all the time she went on talking: -'Dear, dear! How queer everything is to-day! And yesterday things -went on just as usual. I wonder if I've been changed in the -night? Let me think: <i>was</i> I the same when I got up this -morning? I almost think I can remember feeling a little -different. But if I'm not the same, the next question is, Who in -the world am I? Ah, <i>that's</i> the great puzzle!' And she -began thinking over all the children she knew that were of the -same age as herself, to see if she could have been changed for -any of them.</p> - -<p>'I'm sure I'm not Ada,' she said, 'for her hair goes in such -long ringlets, and mine doesn't go in ringlets at all; and I'm -sure I can't be Mabel, for I know all sorts of things, and she, -oh! she knows such a very little! Besides, <i>she's</i> she, and -<i>I'm</i> I, and--oh dear, how puzzling it all is! I'll try if I -know all the things I used to know. Let me see: four times five -is twelve, and four times six is thirteen, and four times seven -is--oh dear! I shall never get to twenty at that rate! However, -the Multiplication Table doesn't signify: let's try Geography. -London is the capital of Paris, and Paris is the capital of Rome, -and Rome--no, <i>that's</i> all wrong, I'm certain! I must have -been changed for Mabel! I'll try and say "<i>How doth the -little--</i>"' and she crossed her hands on her lap as if she -were saying lessons, and began to repeat it, but her voice -sounded hoarse and strange, and the words did not come the same -as they used to do:--</p> - -<blockquote><i>'How doth the little crocodile</i> -<p><i>Improve his shining tail,</i></p> - -<p><i>And pour the waters of the Nile</i></p> - -<p><i>On every golden scale!</i></p> - -<p><i><br> -'How cheerfully he seems to grin,</i></p> - -<p><i>How neatly spread his claws,</i></p> - -<p><i>And welcome little fishes in</i></p> - -<p><i>With gently smiling jaws!</i>'</p> -</blockquote> - -<p>'I'm sure those are not the right words,' said poor Alice, and -her eyes filled with tears again as she went on, 'I must be Mabel -after all, and I shall have to go and live in that poky little -house, and have next to no toys to play with, and oh! ever so -many lessons to learn! No, I've made up my mind about it; if I'm -Mabel, I'll stay down here! It'll be no use their putting their -heads down and saying "Come up again, dear!" I shall only look up -and say "Who am I then? Tell me that first, and then, if I like -being that person, I'll come up: if not, I'll stay down here till -I'm somebody else"--but, oh dear!' cried Alice, with a sudden -burst of tears, 'I do wish they <i>would</i> put their heads -down! I am so <i>very</i> tired of being all alone here!'</p> - -<p>As she said this she looked down at her hands, and was -surprised to see that she had put on one of the Rabbit's little -white kid gloves while she was talking. 'How <i>can</i> I have -done that?' she thought. 'I must be growing small again.' She got -up and went to the table to measure herself by it, and found -that, as nearly as she could guess, she was now about two feet -high, and was going on shrinking rapidly: she soon found out that -the cause of this was the fan she was holding, and she dropped it -hastily, just in time to avoid shrinking away altogether.</p> - -<p>'That <i>was</i> a narrow escape!' said Alice, a good deal -frightened at the sudden change, but very glad to find herself -still in existence; 'and now for the garden!' and she ran with -all speed back to the little door: but, alas! the little door was -shut again, and the little golden key was lying on the glass -table as before, 'and things are worse than ever,' thought the -poor child, 'for I never was so small as this before, never! And -I declare it's too bad, that it is!'</p> - -<p>As she said these words her foot slipped, and in another -moment, splash! she was up to her chin in salt water. Her first -idea was that she had somehow fallen into the sea, 'and in that -case I can go back by railway,' she said to herself. (Alice had -been to the seaside once in her life, and had come to the general -conclusion, that wherever you go to on the English coast you find -a number of bathing machines in the sea, some children digging in -the sand with wooden spades, then a row of lodging houses, and -behind them a railway station.) However, she soon made out that -she was in the pool of tears which she had wept when she was nine -feet high.</p> - -<p>'I wish I hadn't cried so much!' said Alice, as she swam -about, trying to find her way out. 'I shall be punished for it -now, I suppose, by being drowned in my own tears! That -<i>will</i> be a queer thing, to be sure! However, everything is -queer to-day.'</p> - -<p>Just then she heard something splashing about in the pool a -little way off, and she swam nearer to make out what it was: at -first she thought it must be a walrus or hippopotamus, but then -she remembered how small she was now, and she soon made out that -it was only a mouse that had slipped in like herself.</p> - -<p>'Would it be of any use, now,' thought Alice, 'to speak to -this mouse? Everything is so out-of-the-way down here, that I -should think very likely it can talk: at any rate, there's no -harm in trying.' So she began: 'O Mouse, do you know the way out -of this pool? I am very tired of swimming about here, O Mouse!' -(Alice thought this must be the right way of speaking to a mouse: -she had never done such a thing before, but she remembered having -seen in her brother's Latin Grammar, 'A mouse--of a mouse--to a -mouse--a mouse--O mouse!') The Mouse looked at her rather -inquisitively, and seemed to her to wink with one of its little -eyes, but it said nothing.</p> - -<p>'Perhaps it doesn't understand English,' thought Alice; 'I -daresay it's a French mouse, come over with William the -Conqueror.' (For, with all her knowledge of history, Alice had no -very clear notion how long ago anything had happened.) So she -began again: 'Ou est ma chatte?' which was the first sentence in -her French lesson-book. The Mouse gave a sudden leap out of the -water, and seemed to quiver all over with fright. 'Oh, I beg your -pardon!' cried Alice hastily, afraid that she had hurt the poor -animal's feelings. 'I quite forgot you didn't like cats.'</p> - -<p>'Not like cats!' cried the Mouse, in a shrill, passionate -voice. 'Would <i>you</i> like cats if you were me?'</p> - -<p>'Well, perhaps not,' said Alice in a soothing tone: 'don't be -angry about it. And yet I wish I could show you our cat Dinah: I -think you'd take a fancy to cats if you could only see her. She -is such a dear quiet thing,' Alice went on, half to herself, as -she swam lazily about in the pool, 'and she sits purring so -nicely by the fire, licking her paws and washing her face--and -she is such a nice soft thing to nurse--and she's such a capital -one for catching mice--oh, I beg your pardon!' cried Alice again, -for this time the Mouse was bristling all over, and she felt -certain it must be really offended. 'We won't talk about her any -more if you'd rather not.'</p> - -<p>'We indeed!' cried the Mouse, who was trembling down to the -end of his tail. 'As if I would talk on such a subject! Our -family always <i>hated</i> cats: nasty, low, vulgar things! Don't -let me hear the name again!'</p> - -<p>'I won't indeed!' said Alice, in a great hurry to change the -subject of conversation. 'Are you--are you fond--of--of dogs?' -The Mouse did not answer, so Alice went on eagerly: 'There is -such a nice little dog near our house I should like to show you! -A little bright-eyed terrier, you know, with oh, such long curly -brown hair! And it'll fetch things when you throw them, and it'll -sit up and beg for its dinner, and all sorts of things--I can't -remember half of them--and it belongs to a farmer, you know, and -he says it's so useful, it's worth a hundred pounds! He says it -kills all the rats and--oh dear!' cried Alice in a sorrowful -tone, 'I'm afraid I've offended it again!' For the Mouse was -swimming away from her as hard as it could go, and making quite a -commotion in the pool as it went.</p> - -<p>So she called softly after it, 'Mouse dear! Do come back -again, and we won't talk about cats or dogs either, if you don't -like them!' When the Mouse heard this, it turned round and swam -slowly back to her: its face was quite pale (with passion, Alice -thought), and it said in a low trembling voice, 'Let us get to -the shore, and then I'll tell you my history, and you'll -understand why it is I hate cats and dogs.'</p> - -<p>It was high time to go, for the pool was getting quite crowded -with the birds and animals that had fallen into it: there were a -Duck and a Dodo, a Lory and an Eaglet, and several other curious -creatures. Alice led the way, and the whole party swam to the -shore.</p> - -<hr> -<h3 align="Center">CHAPTER III</h3> - -<h3 align="Center">A Caucus-Race and a Long Tale</h3> - -<p>They were indeed a queer-looking party that assembled on the -bank--the birds with draggled feathers, the animals with their -fur clinging close to them, and all dripping wet, cross, and -uncomfortable.</p> - -<p>The first question of course was, how to get dry again: they -had a consultation about this, and after a few minutes it seemed -quite natural to Alice to find herself talking familiarly with -them, as if she had known them all her life. Indeed, she had -quite a long argument with the Lory, who at last turned sulky, -and would only say, 'I am older than you, and must know better'; -and this Alice would not allow without knowing how old it was, -and, as the Lory positively refused to tell its age, there was no -more to be said.</p> - -<p>At last the Mouse, who seemed to be a person of authority -among them, called out, 'Sit down, all of you, and listen to me! -<i>I'll</i> soon make you dry enough!' They all sat down at once, -in a large ring, with the Mouse in the middle. Alice kept her -eyes anxiously fixed on it, for she felt sure she would catch a -bad cold if she did not get dry very soon.</p> - -<p>'Ahem!' said the Mouse with an important air, 'are you all -ready? This is the driest thing I know. Silence all round, if you -please! "William the Conqueror, whose cause was favoured by the -pope, was soon submitted to by the English, who wanted leaders, -and had been of late much accustomed to usurpation and conquest. -Edwin and Morcar, the earls of Mercia and Northumbria--"'</p> - -<p>'Ugh!' said the Lory, with a shiver.</p> - -<p>'I beg your pardon!' said the Mouse, frowning, but very -politely: 'Did you speak?'</p> - -<p>'Not I!' said the Lory hastily.</p> - -<p>'I thought you did,' said the Mouse. '--I proceed. "Edwin and -Morcar, the earls of Mercia and Northumbria, declared for him: -and even Stigand, the patriotic archbishop of Canterbury, found -it advisable--"'</p> - -<p>'Found <i>what</i>?' said the Duck.</p> - -<p>'Found <i>it</i>,' the Mouse replied rather crossly: 'of -course you know what "it" means.'</p> - -<p>'I know what "it" means well enough, when <i>I</i> find a -thing,' said the Duck: 'it's generally a frog or a worm. The -question is, what did the archbishop find?'</p> - -<p>The Mouse did not notice this question, but hurriedly went on, -'"--found it advisable to go with Edgar Atheling to meet William -and offer him the crown. William's conduct at first was moderate. -But the insolence of his Normans--" How are you getting on now, -my dear?' it continued, turning to Alice as it spoke.</p> - -<p>'As wet as ever,' said Alice in a melancholy tone: 'it doesn't -seem to dry me at all.'</p> - -<p>'In that case,' said the Dodo solemnly, rising to its feet, 'I -move that the meeting adjourn, for the immediate adoption of more -energetic remedies--'</p> - -<p>'Speak English!' said the Eaglet. 'I don't know the meaning of -half those long words, and, what's more, I don't believe you do -either!' And the Eaglet bent down its head to hide a smile: some -of the other birds tittered audibly.</p> - -<p>'What I was going to say,' said the Dodo in an offended tone, -'was, that the best thing to get us dry would be a -Caucus-race.'</p> - -<p>'What <i>is</i> a Caucus-race?' said Alice; not that she -wanted much to know, but the Dodo had paused as if it thought -that <i>somebody</i> ought to speak, and no one else seemed -inclined to say anything.</p> - -<p>'Why,' said the Dodo, 'the best way to explain it is to do -it.' (And, as you might like to try the thing yourself, some -winter day, I will tell you how the Dodo managed it.)</p> - -<p>First it marked out a race-course, in a sort of circle, ('the -exact shape doesn't matter,' it said,) and then all the party -were placed along the course, here and there. There was no 'One, -two, three, and away,' but they began running when they liked, -and left off when they liked, so that it was not easy to know -when the race was over. However, when they had been running half -an hour or so, and were quite dry again, the Dodo suddenly called -out 'The race is over!' and they all crowded round it, panting, -and asking, 'But who has won?'</p> - -<p>This question the Dodo could not answer without a great deal -of thought, and it sat for a long time with one finger pressed -upon its forehead (the position in which you usually see -Shakespeare, in the pictures of him), while the rest waited in -silence. At last the Dodo said, '<i>everybody</i> has won, and -<i>all</i> must have prizes.'</p> - -<p>'But who is to give the prizes?' quite a chorus of voices -asked.</p> - -<p>'Why, <i>she</i>, of course,' said the Dodo, pointing to Alice -with one finger; and the whole party at once crowded round her, -calling out in a confused way, 'Prizes! Prizes!'</p> - -<p>Alice had no idea what to do, and in despair she put her hand -in her pocket, and pulled out a box of comfits, (luckily the salt -water had not got into it), and handed them round as prizes. -There was exactly one a-piece all round.</p> - -<p>'But she must have a prize herself, you know,' said the -Mouse.</p> - -<p>'Of course,' the Dodo replied very gravely. 'What else have -you got in your pocket?' he went on, turning to Alice.</p> - -<p>'Only a thimble,' said Alice sadly.</p> - -<p>'Hand it over here,' said the Dodo.</p> - -<p>Then they all crowded round her once more, while the Dodo -solemnly presented the thimble, saying 'We beg your acceptance of -this elegant thimble'; and, when it had finished this short -speech, they all cheered.</p> - -<p>Alice thought the whole thing very absurd, but they all looked -so grave that she did not dare to laugh; and, as she could not -think of anything to say, she simply bowed, and took the thimble, -looking as solemn as she could.</p> - -<p>The next thing was to eat the comfits: this caused some noise -and confusion, as the large birds complained that they could not -taste theirs, and the small ones choked and had to be patted on -the back. However, it was over at last, and they sat down again -in a ring, and begged the Mouse to tell them something more.</p> - -<p>'You promised to tell me your history, you know,' said Alice, -'and why it is you hate--C and D,' she added in a whisper, half -afraid that it would be offended again.</p> - -<p>'Mine is a long and a sad tale!' said the Mouse, turning to -Alice, and sighing.</p> - -<p>'It <i>is</i> a long tail, certainly,' said Alice, looking down with -wonder at the Mouse's tail; 'but why do you call it sad?' And she -kept on puzzling about it while the Mouse was speaking, so that -her idea of the tale was something like this:--</p> - -<p>'Fury said to a mouse, That he met in the house, "Let us both -go to law: I will prosecute <i>you</i>. --Come, I'll take no -denial; We must have a trial: For really this morning I've -nothing to do." Said the mouse to the cur, "Such a trial, dear -Sir, With no jury or judge, would be wasting our breath." "I'll be -judge, I'll be jury," said cunning old Fury: "I'll try the whole -cause, and condemn you to death."'</p> - -<p>'You are not attending!' said the Mouse to Alice severely. -'What are you thinking of?'</p> - -<p>'I beg your pardon,' said Alice very humbly: 'you had got to -the fifth bend, I think?'</p> - -<p>'I had <i>not</i>!' cried the Mouse, sharply and very -angrily.</p> - -<p>'A knot!' said Alice, always ready to make herself useful, and -looking anxiously about her. 'Oh, do let me help to undo it!'</p> - -<p>'I shall do nothing of the sort,' said the Mouse, getting up -and walking away. 'You insult me by talking such nonsense!'</p> - -<p>'I didn't mean it!' pleaded poor Alice. 'But you're so easily -offended, you know!'</p> - -<p>The Mouse only growled in reply.</p> - -<p>'Please come back and finish your story!' Alice called after -it; and the others all joined in chorus, 'Yes, please do!' but -the Mouse only shook its head impatiently, and walked a little -quicker.</p> - -<p>'What a pity it wouldn't stay!' sighed the Lory, as soon as it -was quite out of sight; and an old Crab took the opportunity of -saying to her daughter 'Ah, my dear! Let this be a lesson to you -never to lose <i>your</i> temper!' 'Hold your tongue, Ma!' said -the young Crab, a little snappishly. 'You're enough to try the -patience of an oyster!'</p> - -<p>'I wish I had our Dinah here, I know I do!' said Alice aloud, -addressing nobody in particular. 'She'd soon fetch it back!'</p> - -<p>'And who is Dinah, if I might venture to ask the question?' -said the Lory.</p> - -<p>Alice replied eagerly, for she was always ready to talk about -her pet: 'Dinah's our cat. And she's such a capital one for -catching mice you can't think! And oh, I wish you could see her -after the birds! Why, she'll eat a little bird as soon as look at -it!'</p> - -<p>This speech caused a remarkable sensation among the party. -Some of the birds hurried off at once: one old Magpie began -wrapping itself up very carefully, remarking, 'I really must be -getting home; the night-air doesn't suit my throat!' and a Canary -called out in a trembling voice to its children, 'Come away, my -dears! It's high time you were all in bed!' On various pretexts -they all moved off, and Alice was soon left alone.</p> - -<p>'I wish I hadn't mentioned Dinah!' she said to herself in a -melancholy tone. 'Nobody seems to like her, down here, and I'm -sure she's the best cat in the world! Oh, my dear Dinah! I wonder -if I shall ever see you any more!' And here poor Alice began to -cry again, for she felt very lonely and low-spirited. In a little -while, however, she again heard a little pattering of footsteps -in the distance, and she looked up eagerly, half hoping that the -Mouse had changed his mind, and was coming back to finish his -story.</p> - -<hr> -<h3 align="Center">CHAPTER IV</h3> - -<h3 align="Center">The Rabbit Sends in a Little Bill</h3> - -<p>It was the White Rabbit, trotting slowly back again, and -looking anxiously about as it went, as if it had lost something; -and she heard it muttering to itself 'The Duchess! The Duchess! -Oh my dear paws! Oh my fur and whiskers! She'll get me executed, -as sure as ferrets are ferrets! Where <i>can</i> I have dropped -them, I wonder?' Alice guessed in a moment that it was looking -for the fan and the pair of white kid gloves, and she very -good-naturedly began hunting about for them, but they were -nowhere to be seen--everything seemed to have changed since her -swim in the pool, and the great hall, with the glass table and -the little door, had vanished completely.</p> - -<p>Very soon the Rabbit noticed Alice, as she went hunting about, -and called out to her in an angry tone, 'Why, Mary Ann, what -<i>are</i> you doing out here? Run home this moment, and fetch me -a pair of gloves and a fan! Quick, now!' And Alice was so much -frightened that she ran off at once in the direction it pointed -to, without trying to explain the mistake it had made.</p> - -<p>'He took me for his housemaid,' she said to herself as she -ran. 'How surprised he'll be when he finds out who I am! But I'd -better take him his fan and gloves--that is, if I can find them.' -As she said this, she came upon a neat little house, on the door -of which was a bright brass plate with the name 'W. RABBIT' -engraved upon it. She went in without knocking, and hurried -upstairs, in great fear lest she should meet the real Mary Ann, -and be turned out of the house before she had found the fan and -gloves.</p> - -<p>'How queer it seems,' Alice said to herself, 'to be going -messages for a rabbit! I suppose Dinah'll be sending me on -messages next!' And she began fancying the sort of thing that -would happen: '"Miss Alice! Come here directly, and get ready for -your walk!" "Coming in a minute, nurse! But I've got to see that -the mouse doesn't get out." Only I don't think,' Alice went on, -'that they'd let Dinah stop in the house if it began ordering -people about like that!'</p> - -<p>By this time she had found her way into a tidy little room -with a table in the window, and on it (as she had hoped) a fan -and two or three pairs of tiny white kid gloves: she took up the -fan and a pair of the gloves, and was just going to leave the -room, when her eye fell upon a little bottle that stood near the -looking- glass. There was no label this time with the words -'DRINK ME,' but nevertheless she uncorked it and put it to her -lips. 'I know <i>something</i> interesting is sure to happen,' -she said to herself, 'whenever I eat or drink anything; so I'll -just see what this bottle does. I do hope it'll make me grow -large again, for really I'm quite tired of being such a tiny -little thing!'</p> - -<p>It did so indeed, and much sooner than she had expected: -before she had drunk half the bottle, she found her head pressing -against the ceiling, and had to stoop to save her neck from being -broken. She hastily put down the bottle, saying to herself -'That's quite enough--I hope I shan't grow any more--As it is, I -can't get out at the door--I do wish I hadn't drunk quite so -much!'</p> - -<p>Alas! it was too late to wish that! She went on growing, and -growing, and very soon had to kneel down on the floor: in another -minute there was not even room for this, and she tried the effect -of lying down with one elbow against the door, and the other arm -curled round her head. Still she went on growing, and, as a last -resource, she put one arm out of the window, and one foot up the -chimney, and said to herself 'Now I can do no more, whatever -happens. What <i>will</i> become of me?'</p> - -<p>Luckily for Alice, the little magic bottle had now had its -full effect, and she grew no larger: still it was very -uncomfortable, and, as there seemed to be no sort of chance of -her ever getting out of the room again, no wonder she felt -unhappy.</p> - -<p>'It was much pleasanter at home,' thought poor Alice, 'when -one wasn't always growing larger and smaller, and being ordered -about by mice and rabbits. I almost wish I hadn't gone down that -rabbit-hole--and yet--and yet--it's rather curious, you know, -this sort of life! I do wonder what <i>can</i> have happened to -me! When I used to read fairy-tales, I fancied that kind of thing -never happened, and now here I am in the middle of one! There -ought to be a book written about me, that there ought! And when I -grow up, I'll write one--but I'm grown up now,' she added in a -sorrowful tone; 'at least there's no room to grow up any more -<i>here</i>.'</p> - -<p>'But then,' thought Alice, 'shall I <i>never</i> get any older -than I am now? That'll be a comfort, one way--never to be an old -woman-- but then--always to have lessons to learn! Oh, I -shouldn't like <i>that</i>!'</p> - -<p>'Oh, you foolish Alice!' she answered herself. 'How can you -learn lessons in here? Why, there's hardly room for you, and no -room at all for any lesson-books!'</p> - -<p>And so she went on, taking first one side and then the other, -and making quite a conversation of it altogether; but after a few -minutes she heard a voice outside, and stopped to listen.</p> - -<p>'Mary Ann! Mary Ann!' said the voice. 'Fetch me my gloves this -moment!' Then came a little pattering of feet on the stairs. -Alice knew it was the Rabbit coming to look for her, and she -trembled till she shook the house, quite forgetting that she was -now about a thousand times as large as the Rabbit, and had no -reason to be afraid of it.</p> - -<p>Presently the Rabbit came up to the door, and tried to open -it; but, as the door opened inwards, and Alice's elbow was -pressed hard against it, that attempt proved a failure. Alice -heard it say to itself 'Then I'll go round and get in at the -window.'</p> - -<p>'<i>That</i> you won't' thought Alice, and, after waiting till -she fancied she heard the Rabbit just under the window, she -suddenly spread out her hand, and made a snatch in the air. She -did not get hold of anything, but she heard a little shriek and a -fall, and a crash of broken glass, from which she concluded that -it was just possible it had fallen into a cucumber-frame, or -something of the sort.</p> - -<p>Next came an angry voice--the Rabbit's--'Pat! Pat! Where are -you?' And then a voice she had never heard before, 'Sure then I'm -here! Digging for apples, yer honour!'</p> - -<p>'Digging for apples, indeed!' said the Rabbit angrily. 'Here! -Come and help me out of <i>this</i>!' (Sounds of more broken -glass.)</p> - -<p>'Now tell me, Pat, what's that in the window?'</p> - -<p>'Sure, it's an arm, yer honour!' (He pronounced it -'arrum.')</p> - -<p>'An arm, you goose! Who ever saw one that size? Why, it fills -the whole window!'</p> - -<p>'Sure, it does, yer honour: but it's an arm for all that.'</p> - -<p>'Well, it's got no business there, at any rate: go and take it -away!'</p> - -<p>There was a long silence after this, and Alice could only hear -whispers now and then; such as, 'Sure, I don't like it, yer -honour, at all, at all!' 'Do as I tell you, you coward!' and at -last she spread out her hand again, and made another snatch in -the air. This time there were <i>two</i> little shrieks, and more -sounds of broken glass. 'What a number of cucumber-frames there -must be!' thought Alice. 'I wonder what they'll do next! As for -pulling me out of the window, I only wish they <i>could</i>! I'm -sure I don't want to stay in here any longer!'</p> - -<p>She waited for some time without hearing anything more: at -last came a rumbling of little cartwheels, and the sound of a -good many voices all talking together: she made out the words: -'Where's the other ladder?--Why, I hadn't to bring but one; -Bill's got the other--Bill! fetch it here, lad!--Here, put 'em up -at this corner--No, tie 'em together first--they don't reach half -high enough yet--Oh! they'll do well enough; don't be -particular-- Here, Bill! catch hold of this rope--Will the roof -bear?--Mind that loose slate--Oh, it's coming down! Heads below!' -(a loud crash)--'Now, who did that?--It was Bill, I fancy--Who's -to go down the chimney?--Nay, I shan't! <i>you</i> do it!--That I -won't, then!--Bill's to go down--Here, Bill! the master says -you're to go down the chimney!'</p> - -<p>'Oh! So Bill's got to come down the chimney, has he?' said -Alice to herself. 'Shy, they seem to put everything upon Bill! I -wouldn't be in Bill's place for a good deal: this fireplace is -narrow, to be sure; but I <i>think</i> I can kick a little!'</p> - -<p>She drew her foot as far down the chimney as she could, and -waited till she heard a little animal (she couldn't guess of what -sort it was) scratching and scrambling about in the chimney close -above her: then, saying to herself 'This is Bill,' she gave one -sharp kick, and waited to see what would happen next.</p> - -<p>The first thing she heard was a general chorus of 'There goes -Bill!' then the Rabbit's voice along--'Catch him, you by the -hedge!' then silence, and then another confusion of voices--'Hold -up his head--Brandy now--Don't choke him--How was it, old fellow? -What happened to you? Tell us all about it!'</p> - -<p>Last came a little feeble, squeaking voice, ('That's Bill,' -thought Alice,) 'Well, I hardly know--No more, thank ye; I'm -better now--but I'm a deal too flustered to tell you--all I know -is, something comes at me like a Jack-in-the-box, and up I goes -like a sky-rocket!'</p> - -<p>'So you did, old fellow!' said the others.</p> - -<p>'We must burn the house down!' said the Rabbit's voice; and -Alice called out as loud as she could, 'If you do. I'll set Dinah -at you!'</p> - -<p>There was a dead silence instantly, and Alice thought to -herself, 'I wonder what they <i>will</i> do next! If they had any -sense, they'd take the roof off.' After a minute or two, they -began moving about again, and Alice heard the Rabbit say, 'A -barrowful will do, to begin with.'</p> - -<p>'A barrowful of <i>what</i>?' thought Alice; but she had not -long to doubt, for the next moment a shower of little pebbles -came rattling in at the window, and some of them hit her in the -face. 'I'll put a stop to this,' she said to herself, and shouted -out, 'You'd better not do that again!' which produced another -dead silence.</p> - -<p>Alice noticed with some surprise that the pebbles were all -turning into little cakes as they lay on the floor, and a bright -idea came into her head. 'If I eat one of these cakes,' she -thought, 'it's sure to make <i>some</i> change in my size; and as -it can't possibly make me larger, it must make me smaller, I -suppose.'</p> - -<p>So she swallowed one of the cakes, and was delighted to find -that she began shrinking directly. As soon as she was small -enough to get through the door, she ran out of the house, and -found quite a crowd of little animals and birds waiting outside. -The poor little Lizard, Bill, was in the middle, being held up by -two guinea-pigs, who were giving it something out of a bottle. -They all made a rush at Alice the moment she appeared; but she -ran off as hard as she could, and soon found herself safe in a -thick wood.</p> - -<p>'The first thing I've got to do,' said Alice to herself, as -she wandered about in the wood, 'is to grow to my right size -again; and the second thing is to find my way into that lovely -garden. I think that will be the best plan.'</p> - -<p>It sounded an excellent plan, no doubt, and very neatly and -simply arranged; the only difficulty was, that she had not the -smallest idea how to set about it; and while she was peering -about anxiously among the trees, a little sharp bark just over -her head made her look up in a great hurry.</p> - -<p>An enormous puppy was looking down at her with large round -eyes, and feebly stretching out one paw, trying to touch her. -'Poor little thing!' said Alice, in a coaxing tone, and she tried -hard to whistle to it; but she was terribly frightened all the -time at the thought that it might be hungry, in which case it -would be very likely to eat her up in spite of all her -coaxing.</p> - -<p>Hardly knowing what she did, she picked up a little bit of -stick, and held it out to the puppy; whereupon the puppy jumped -into the air off all its feet at once, with a yelp of delight, -and rushed at the stick, and made believe to worry it; then Alice -dodged behind a great thistle, to keep herself from being run -over; and the moment she appeared on the other side, the puppy -made another rush at the stick, and tumbled head over heels in -its hurry to get hold of it; then Alice, thinking it was very -like having a game of play with a cart-horse, and expecting every -moment to be trampled under its feet, ran round the thistle -again; then the puppy began a series of short charges at the -stick, running a very little way forwards each time and a long -way back, and barking hoarsely all the while, till at last it sat -down a good way off, panting, with its tongue hanging out of its -mouth, and its great eyes half shut.</p> - -<p>This seemed to Alice a good opportunity for making her escape; -so she set off at once, and ran till she was quite tired and out -of breath, and till the puppy's bark sounded quite faint in the -distance.</p> - -<p>'And yet what a dear little puppy it was!' said Alice, as she -leant against a buttercup to rest herself, and fanned herself -with one of the leaves: 'I should have liked teaching it tricks -very much, if--if I'd only been the right size to do it! Oh dear! -I'd nearly forgotten that I've got to grow up again! Let me -see--how <i>is</i> it to be managed? I suppose I ought to eat or drink -something or other; but the great question is, what?'</p> - -<p>The great question certainly was, what? Alice looked all round -her at the flowers and the blades of grass, but she did not see -anything that looked like the right thing to eat or drink under -the circumstances. There was a large mushroom growing near her, -about the same height as herself; and when she had looked under -it, and on both sides of it, and behind it, it occurred to her -that she might as well look and see what was on the top of -it.</p> - -<p>She stretched herself up on tiptoe, and peeped over the edge -of the mushroom, and her eyes immediately met those of a large -caterpillar, that was sitting on the top with its arms folded, -quietly smoking a long hookah, and taking not the smallest notice -of her or of anything else.</p> - -<hr> -<h3 align="Center">CHAPTER V</h3> - -<h3 align="Center">Advice from a Caterpillar</h3> - -<p>The Caterpillar and Alice looked at each other for some time -in silence: at last the Caterpillar took the hookah out of its -mouth, and addressed her in a languid, sleepy voice.</p> - -<p>'Who are <i>you</i>?' said the Caterpillar.</p> - -<p>This was not an encouraging opening for a conversation. Alice -replied, rather shyly, 'I--I hardly know, sir, just at present-- -at least I know who I <i>was</i> when I got up this morning, but I think -I must have been changed several times since then.'</p> - -<p>'What do you mean by that?' said the Caterpillar sternly. -'Explain yourself!'</p> - -<p>'I can't explain <i>myself</i>, I'm afraid, sir' said Alice, -'because I'm not myself, you see.'</p> - -<p>'I don't see,' said the Caterpillar.</p> - -<p>'I'm afraid I can't put it more clearly,' Alice replied very -politely, 'for I can't understand it myself to begin with; and -being so many different sizes in a day is very confusing.'</p> - -<p>'It isn't,' said the Caterpillar.</p> - -<p>'Well, perhaps you haven't found it so yet,' said Alice; 'but -when you have to turn into a chrysalis--you will some day, you -know--and then after that into a butterfly, I should think you'll -feel it a little queer, won't you?'</p> - -<p>'Not a bit,' said the Caterpillar.</p> - -<p>'Well, perhaps your feelings may be different,' said Alice; -'all I know is, it would feel very queer to <i>me</i>.'</p> - -<p>'You!' said the Caterpillar contemptuously. 'Who are -<i>you</i>?'</p> - -<p>Which brought them back again to the beginning of the -conversation. Alice felt a little irritated at the Caterpillar's -making such <i>very</i> short remarks, and she drew herself up -and said, very gravely, 'I think, you ought to tell me who -<i>you</i> are, first.'</p> - -<p>'Why?' said the Caterpillar.</p> - -<p>Here was another puzzling question; and as Alice could not -think of any good reason, and as the Caterpillar seemed to be in -a <i>very</i> unpleasant state of mind, she turned away.</p> - -<p>'Come back!' the Caterpillar called after her. 'I've something -important to say!'</p> - -<p>This sounded promising, certainly: Alice turned and came back -again.</p> - -<p>'Keep your temper,' said the Caterpillar.</p> - -<p>'Is that all?' said Alice, swallowing down her anger as well -as she could.</p> - -<p>'No,' said the Caterpillar.</p> - -<p>Alice thought she might as well wait, as she had nothing else -to do, and perhaps after all it might tell her something worth -hearing. For some minutes it puffed away without speaking, but at -last it unfolded its arms, took the hookah out of its mouth -again, and said, 'So you think you're changed, do you?'</p> - -<p>'I'm afraid I am, sir,' said Alice; 'I can't remember things -as I used--and I don't keep the same size for ten minutes -together!'</p> - -<p>'Can't remember <i>what</i> things?' said the Caterpillar.</p> - -<p>'Well, I've tried to say "<i>How doth the little busy -bee,</i>" but it all came different!' Alice replied in a very -melancholy voice.</p> - -<p>'Repeat, "<i>you are old, Father William,</i>"' said the -Caterpillar.</p> - -<p>Alice folded her hands, and began:--</p> - -<p><i>'You are old, Father William,' the young man said, 'And -your hair has become very white; And yet you incessantly stand on -your head-- Do you think, at your age, it is right?'</i></p> - -<p><i>'In my youth,' Father William replied to his son, 'I feared -it might injure the brain; But, now that I'm perfectly sure I -have none, Why, I do it again and again.'</i></p> - -<p><i>'You are old,' said the youth, 'as I mentioned before, And -have grown most uncommonly fat; Yet you turned a back-somersault -in at the door-- Pray, what is the reason of that?'</i></p> - -<p><i>'In my youth,' said the sage, as he shook his grey locks, -'I kept all my limbs very supple By the use of this ointment--one -shilling the box-- Allow me to sell you a couple?'</i></p> - -<p><i>'You are old,' said the youth, 'and your jaws are too weak -For anything tougher than suet; Yet you finished the goose, with -the bones and the beak-- Pray how did you manage to do -it?'</i></p> - -<p><i>'In my youth,' said his father, 'I took to the law, And -argued each case with my wife; And the muscular strength, which -it gave to my jaw, Has lasted the rest of my life.'</i></p> - -<p><i>'You are old,' said the youth, 'one would hardly suppose -That your eye was as steady as ever; Yet you balanced an eel on -the end of your nose-- What made you so awfully clever?'</i></p> - -<p><i>'I have answered three questions, and that is enough,' Said -his father; 'don't give yourself airs! Do you think I can listen -all day to such stuff? Be off, or I'll kick you down -stairs!'</i></p> - -<p>'That is not said right,' said the Caterpillar.</p> - -<p>'Not <i>quite</i> right, I'm afraid,' said Alice, timidly; -'some of the words have got altered.'</p> - -<p>'It is wrong from beginning to end,' said the Caterpillar -decidedly, and there was silence for some minutes.</p> - -<p>The Caterpillar was the first to speak.</p> - -<p>'What size do you want to be?' it asked.</p> - -<p>'Oh, I'm not particular as to size,' Alice hastily replied; -'only one doesn't like changing so often, you know.'</p> - -<p>'I <i>don't</i> know,' said the Caterpillar.</p> - -<p>Alice said nothing: she had never been so much contradicted in -her life before, and she felt that she was losing her temper.</p> - -<p>'Are you content now?' said the Caterpillar.</p> - -<p>'Well, I should like to be a <i>little</i> larger, sir, if you -wouldn't mind,' said Alice: 'three inches is such a wretched -height to be.'</p> - -<p>'It is a very good height indeed!' said the Caterpillar -angrily, rearing itself upright as it spoke (it was exactly three -inches high).</p> - -<p>'But I'm not used to it!' pleaded poor Alice in a piteous -tone. And she thought of herself, 'I wish the creatures wouldn't -be so easily offended!'</p> - -<p>'You'll get used to it in time,' said the Caterpillar; and it -put the hookah into its mouth and began smoking again.</p> - -<p>This time Alice waited patiently until it chose to speak -again. In a minute or two the Caterpillar took the hookah out of -its mouth and yawned once or twice, and shook itself. Then it got -down off the mushroom, and crawled away in the grass, merely -remarking as it went, 'One side will make you grow taller, and -the other side will make you grow shorter.'</p> - -<p>'One side of <i>what</i>? The other side of <i>what</i>?' -thought Alice to herself.</p> - -<p>'Of the mushroom,' said the Caterpillar, just as if she had -asked it aloud; and in another moment it was out of sight.</p> - -<p>Alice remained looking thoughtfully at the mushroom for a -minute, trying to make out which were the two sides of it; and as -it was perfectly round, she found this a very difficult question. -However, at last she stretched her arms round it as far as they -would go, and broke off a bit of the edge with each hand.</p> - -<p>'And now which is which?' she said to herself, and nibbled a -little of the right-hand bit to try the effect: the next moment -she felt a violent blow underneath her chin: it had struck her -foot!</p> - -<p>She was a good deal frightened by this very sudden change, but -she felt that there was no time to be lost, as she was shrinking -rapidly; so she set to work at once to eat some of the other bit. -Her chin was pressed so closely against her foot, that there was -hardly room to open her mouth; but she did it at last, and -managed to swallow a morsel of the lefthand bit.</p> - -<p align="Center">* * * * *</p> - -<p>'Come, my head's free at last!' said Alice in a tone of -delight, which changed into alarm in another moment, when she -found that her shoulders were nowhere to be found: all she could -see, when she looked down, was an immense length of neck, which -seemed to rise like a stalk out of a sea of green leaves that lay -far below her.</p> - -<p>'What <i>can</i> all that green stuff be?' said Alice. 'And -where <i>have</i> my shoulders got to? And oh, my poor hands, how -is it I can't see you?' She was moving them about as she spoke, -but no result seemed to follow, except a little shaking among the -distant green leaves.</p> - -<p>As there seemed to be no chance of getting her hands up to her -head, she tried to get her head down to them, and was delighted -to find that her neck would bend about easily in any direction, -like a serpent. She had just succeeded in curving it down into a -graceful zigzag, and was going to dive in among the leaves, which -she found to be nothing but the tops of the trees under which she -had been wandering, when a sharp hiss made her draw back in a -hurry: a large pigeon had flown into her face, and was beating -her violently with its wings.</p> - -<p>'Serpent!' screamed the Pigeon.</p> - -<p>'I'm <i>not</i> a serpent!' said Alice indignantly. 'Let me -alone!'</p> - -<p>'Serpent, I say again!' repeated the Pigeon, but in a more -subdued tone, and added with a kind of sob, 'I've tried every -way, and nothing seems to suit them!'</p> - -<p>'I haven't the least idea what you're talking about,' said -Alice.</p> - -<p>'I've tried the roots of trees, and I've tried banks, and I've -tried hedges,' the Pigeon went on, without attending to her; 'but -those serpents! There's no pleasing them!'</p> - -<p>Alice was more and more puzzled, but she thought there was no -use in saying anything more till the Pigeon had finished.</p> - -<p>'As if it wasn't trouble enough hatching the eggs,' said the -Pigeon; 'but I must be on the look-out for serpents night and -day! Why, I haven't had a wink of sleep these three weeks!'</p> - -<p>'I'm very sorry you've been annoyed,' said Alice, who was -beginning to see its meaning.</p> - -<p>'And just as I'd taken the highest tree in the wood,' -continued the Pigeon, raising its voice to a shriek, 'and just as -I was thinking I should be free of them at last, they must needs -come wriggling down from the sky! Ugh, Serpent!'</p> - -<p>'But I'm <i>not</i> a serpent, I tell you!' said Alice. 'I'm -a--I'm a--'</p> - -<p>'Well! <i>what</i> are you?' said the Pigeon. 'I can see -you're trying to invent something!'</p> - -<p>'I--I'm a little girl,' said Alice, rather doubtfully, as she -remembered the number of changes she had gone through that -day.</p> - -<p>'A likely story indeed!' said the Pigeon in a tone of the -deepest contempt. 'I've seen a good many little girls in my time, -but never <i>one</i> with such a neck as that! No, no! You're a -serpent; and there's no use denying it. I suppose you'll be -telling me next that you never tasted an egg!'</p> - -<p>'I <i>have</i> tasted eggs, certainly,' said Alice, who was a -very truthful child; 'but little girls eat eggs quite as much as -serpents do, you know.'</p> - -<p>'I don't believe it,' said the Pigeon; 'but if they do, why -then they're a kind of serpent, that's all I can say.'</p> - -<p>This was such a new idea to Alice, that she was quite silent -for a minute or two, which gave the Pigeon the opportunity of -adding, 'You're looking for eggs, I know <i>that</i> well enough; -and what does it matter to me whether you're a little girl or a -serpent?'</p> - -<p>'It matters a good deal to <i>me</i>,' said Alice hastily; -'but I'm not looking for eggs, as it happens; and if I was, I -shouldn't want <i>yours</i>: I don't like them raw.'</p> - -<p>'Well, be off, then!' said the Pigeon in a sulky tone, as it -settled down again into its nest. Alice crouched down among the -trees as well as she could, for her neck kept getting entangled -among the branches, and every now and then she had to stop and -untwist it. After a while she remembered that she still held the -pieces of mushroom in her hands, and she set to work very -carefully, nibbling first at one and then at the other, and -growing sometimes taller and sometimes shorter, until she had -succeeded in bringing herself down to her usual height.</p> - -<p>It was so long since she had been anything near the right -size, that it felt quite strange at first; but she got used to it -in a few minutes, and began talking to herself, as usual. 'Come, -there's half my plan done now! How puzzling all these changes -are! I'm never sure what I'm going to be, from one minute to -another! However, I've got back to my right size: the next thing -is, to get into that beautiful garden--how <i>is</i> that to be -done, I wonder?' As she said this, she came suddenly upon an open -place, with a little house in it about four feet high. 'Whoever -lives there,' thought Alice, 'it'll never do to come upon them -<i>this</i> size: why, I should frighten them out of their wits!' -So she began nibbling at the righthand bit again, and did not -venture to go near the house till she had brought herself down to -nine inches high.</p> - -<hr> -<h3 align="Center">CHAPTER VI</h3> - -<h3 align="Center">Pig and Pepper</h3> - -<p>For a minute or two she stood looking at the house, and -wondering what to do next, when suddenly a footman in livery came -running out of the wood--(she considered him to be a footman -because he was in livery: otherwise, judging by his face only, -she would have called him a fish)--and rapped loudly at the door -with his knuckles. It was opened by another footman in livery, -with a round face, and large eyes like a frog; and both footmen, -Alice noticed, had powdered hair that curled all over their -heads. She felt very curious to know what it was all about, and -crept a little way out of the wood to listen.</p> - -<p>The Fish-Footman began by producing from under his arm a great -letter, nearly as large as himself, and this he handed over to -the other, saying, in a solemn tone, 'For the Duchess. An -invitation from the Queen to play croquet.' The Frog-Footman -repeated, in the same solemn tone, only changing the order of the -words a little, 'From the Queen. An invitation for the Duchess to -play croquet.'</p> - -<p>Then they both bowed low, and their curls got entangled -together.</p> - -<p>Alice laughed so much at this, that she had to run back into -the wood for fear of their hearing her; and when she next peeped -out the Fish-Footman was gone, and the other was sitting on the -ground near the door, staring stupidly up into the sky.</p> - -<p>Alice went timidly up to the door, and knocked.</p> - -<p>'There's no sort of use in knocking,' said the Footman, 'and -that for two reasons. First, because I'm on the same side of the -door as you are; secondly, because they're making such a noise -inside, no one could possibly hear you.' And certainly there was -a most extraordinary noise going on within--a constant howling -and sneezing, and every now and then a great crash, as if a dish -or kettle had been broken to pieces.</p> - -<p>'Please, then,' said Alice, 'how am I to get in?'</p> - -<p>'There might be some sense in your knocking,' the Footman went -on without attending to her, 'if we had the door between us. For -instance, if you were <i>inside</i>, you might knock, and I could -let you out, you know.' He was looking up into the sky all the -time he was speaking, and this Alice thought decidedly uncivil. -'But perhaps he can't help it,' she said to herself; 'his eyes -are so <i>very</i> nearly at the top of his head. But at any rate -he might answer questions.--How am I to get in?' she repeated, -aloud.</p> - -<p>'I shall sit here,' the Footman remarked, 'till -tomorrow--'</p> - -<p>At this moment the door of the house opened, and a large plate -came skimming out, straight at the Footman's head: it just grazed -his nose, and broke to pieces against one of the trees behind -him.</p> - -<p>'--or next day, maybe,' the Footman continued in the same -tone, exactly as if nothing had happened.</p> - -<p>'How am I to get in?' asked Alice again, in a louder tone.</p> - -<p>'<i>Are</i> you to get in at all?' said the Footman. 'That's -the first question, you know.'</p> - -<p>It was, no doubt: only Alice did not like to be told so. 'It's -really dreadful,' she muttered to herself, 'the way all the -creatures argue. It's enough to drive one crazy!'</p> - -<p>The Footman seemed to think this a good opportunity for -repeating his remark, with variations. 'I shall sit here,' he -said, 'on and off, for days and days.'</p> - -<p>'But what am I to do?' said Alice.</p> - -<p>'Anything you like,' said the Footman, and began -whistling.</p> - -<p>'Oh, there's no use in talking to him,' said Alice -desperately: 'he's perfectly idiotic!' And she opened the door -and went in.</p> - -<p>The door led right into a large kitchen, which was full of -smoke from one end to the other: the Duchess was sitting on a -three-legged stool in the middle, nursing a baby; the cook was -leaning over the fire, stirring a large cauldron which seemed to -be full of soup.</p> - -<p>'There's certainly too much pepper in that soup!' Alice said -to herself, as well as she could for sneezing.</p> - -<p>There was certainly too much of it in the air. Even the -Duchess sneezed occasionally; and as for the baby, it was -sneezing and howling alternately without a moment's pause. The -only things in the kitchen that did not sneeze, were the cook, -and a large cat which was sitting on the hearth and grinning from -ear to ear.</p> - -<p>'Please would you tell me,' said Alice, a little timidly, for -she was not quite sure whether it was good manners for her to -speak first, 'why your cat grins like that?'</p> - -<p>'It's a Cheshire cat,' said the Duchess, 'and that's why. -Pig!'</p> - -<p>She said the last word with such sudden violence that Alice -quite jumped; but she saw in another moment that it was addressed -to the baby, and not to her, so she took courage, and went on -again:--</p> - -<p>'I didn't know that Cheshire cats always grinned; in fact, I -didn't know that cats <i>could</i> grin.'</p> - -<p>'They all can,' said the Duchess; 'and most of 'em do.'</p> - -<p>'I don't know of any that do,' Alice said very politely, -feeling quite pleased to have got into a conversation.</p> - -<p>'You don't know much,' said the Duchess; 'and that's a -fact.'</p> - -<p>Alice did not at all like the tone of this remark, and thought -it would be as well to introduce some other subject of -conversation. While she was trying to fix on one, the cook took -the cauldron of soup off the fire, and at once set to work -throwing everything within her reach at the Duchess and the baby ---the fire-irons came first; then followed a shower of saucepans, -plates, and dishes. The Duchess took no notice of them even when -they hit her; and the baby was howling so much already, that it -was quite impossible to say whether the blows hurt it or not.</p> - -<p>'Oh, <i>please</i> mind what you're doing!' cried Alice, -jumping up and down in an agony of terror. 'Oh, there goes his -<i>precious</i> nose'; as an unusually large saucepan flew close -by it, and very nearly carried it off.</p> - -<p>'If everybody minded their own business,' the Duchess said in -a hoarse growl, 'the world would go round a deal faster than it -does.'</p> - -<p>'Which would <i>not</i> be an advantage,' said Alice, who felt -very glad to get an opportunity of showing off a little of her -knowledge. 'Just think of what work it would make with the day -and night! You see the earth takes twenty-four hours to turn -round on its axis--'</p> - -<p>'Talking of axes,' said the Duchess, 'chop off her head!'</p> - -<p>Alice glanced rather anxiously at the cook, to see if she -meant to take the hint; but the cook was busily stirring the -soup, and seemed not to be listening, so she went on again: -'Twenty-four hours, I <i>think</i>; or is it twelve? I--'</p> - -<p>'Oh, don't bother <i>me</i>,' said the Duchess; 'I never could abide -figures!' And with that she began nursing her child again, -singing a sort of lullaby to it as she did so, and giving it a -violent shake at the end of every line:</p> - -<p align="Center"><i>'Speak roughly to your little boy,</i></p> - -<p align="Center"><i>And beat him when he sneezes:</i></p> - -<p align="Center"><i>He only does it to annoy,</i></p> - -<p align="Center"><i>Because he knows it teases.'</i></p> - -<p align="Center">CHORUS</p> - -<p>(In which the cook and the baby joined):--</p> - -<p align="Center">'Wow! wow! wow!'</p> - -<p>While the Duchess sang the second verse of the song, she kept -tossing the baby violently up and down, and the poor little thing -howled so, that Alice could hardly hear the words:--</p> - -<p align="Center"><i>'I speak severely to my boy,</i></p> - -<p align="Center"><i>I beat him when he sneezes;</i></p> - -<p align="Center"><i>For he can thoroughly enjoy</i></p> - -<p align="Center"><i>The pepper when he pleases!'</i></p> - -<p align="Center">CHORUS</p> - -<p align="Center">'Wow! wow! wow!'</p> - -<p>'Here! you may nurse it a bit, if you like!' the Duchess said -to Alice, flinging the baby at her as she spoke. 'I must go and -get ready to play croquet with the Queen,' and she hurried out of -the room. The cook threw a frying-pan after her as she went out, -but it just missed her.</p> - -<p>Alice caught the baby with some difficulty, as it was a queer- -shaped little creature, and held out its arms and legs in all -directions, 'just like a star-fish,' thought Alice. The poor -little thing was snorting like a steam-engine when she caught it, -and kept doubling itself up and straightening itself out again, -so that altogether, for the first minute or two, it was as much -as she could do to hold it.</p> - -<p>As soon as she had made out the proper way of nursing it, -(which was to twist it up into a sort of knot, and then keep -tight hold of its right ear and left foot, so as to prevent its -undoing itself,) she carried it out into the open air. '<i>If</i> -I don't take this child away with me,' thought Alice, 'they're -sure to kill it in a day or two: wouldn't it be murder to leave -it behind?' She said the last words out loud, and the little -thing grunted in reply (it had left off sneezing by this time). -'Don't grunt,' said Alice; 'that's not at all a proper way of -expressing yourself.'</p> - -<p>The baby grunted again, and Alice looked very anxiously into -its face to see what was the matter with it. There could be no -doubt that it had a <i>very</i> turn-up nose, much more like a -snout than a real nose; also its eyes were getting extremely -small for a baby: altogether Alice did not like the look of the -thing at all. 'But perhaps it was only sobbing,' she thought, and -looked into its eyes again, to see if there were any tears.</p> - -<p>No, there were no tears. 'If you're going to turn into a pig, -my dear,' said Alice, seriously, 'I'll have nothing more to do -with you. Mind now!' The poor little thing sobbed again (or -grunted, it was impossible to say which), and they went on for -some while in silence.</p> - -<p>Alice was just beginning to think to herself, 'Now, what am I -to do with this creature when I get it home?' when it grunted -again, so violently, that she looked down into its face in some -alarm. This time there could be <i>no</i> mistake about it: it -was neither more nor less than a pig, and she felt that it would -be quite absurd for her to carry it further.</p> - -<p>So she set the little creature down, and felt quite relieved -to see it trot away quietly into the wood. 'If it had grown up,' -she said to herself, 'it would have made a dreadfully ugly child: -but it makes rather a handsome pig, I think.' And she began -thinking over other children she knew, who might do very well as -pigs, and was just saying to herself, 'if one only knew the right -way to change them--' when she was a little startled by seeing -the Cheshire Cat sitting on a bough of a tree a few yards -off.</p> - -<p>The Cat only grinned when it saw Alice. It looked good- -natured, she thought: still it had <i>very</i> long claws and a -great many teeth, so she felt that it ought to be treated with -respect.</p> - -<p>'Cheshire Puss,' she began, rather timidly, as she did not at -all know whether it would like the name: however, it only grinned -a little wider. 'Come, it's pleased so far,' thought Alice, and -she went on. 'Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go -from here?'</p> - -<p>'That depends a good deal on where you want to get to,' said -the Cat.</p> - -<p>'I don't much care where--' said Alice.</p> - -<p>'Then it doesn't matter which way you go,' said the Cat.</p> - -<p>'--so long as I get <i>somewhere</i>,' Alice added as an -explanation.</p> - -<p>'Oh, you're sure to do that,' said the Cat, 'if you only walk -long enough.'</p> - -<p>Alice felt that this could not be denied, so she tried another -question. 'What sort of people live about here?'</p> - -<p>'In <i>that</i> direction,' the Cat said, waving its right paw -round, 'lives a Hatter: and in <i>that</i> direction,' waving the -other paw, 'lives a March Hare. Visit either you like: they're -both mad.'</p> - -<p>'But I don't want to go among mad people,' Alice remarked.</p> - -<p>'Oh, you can't help that,' said the Cat: 'we're all mad here. -I'm mad. You're mad.'</p> - -<p>'How do you know I'm mad?' said Alice.</p> - -<p>'You must be,' said the Cat, 'or you wouldn't have come -here.'</p> - -<p>Alice didn't think that proved it at all; however, she went on -'And how do you know that you're mad?'</p> - -<p>'To begin with,' said the Cat, 'a dog's not mad. You grant -that?'</p> - -<p>'I suppose so,' said Alice.</p> - -<p>'Well, then,' the Cat went on, 'you see, a dog growls when -it's angry, and wags its tail when it's pleased. Now I growl when -I'm pleased, and wag my tail when I'm angry. Therefore I'm -mad.'</p> - -<p>'I call it purring, not growling,' said Alice.</p> - -<p>'Call it what you like,' said the Cat. 'Do you play croquet -with the Queen to-day?'</p> - -<p>'I should like it very much,' said Alice, 'but I haven't been -invited yet.'</p> - -<p>'You'll see me there,' said the Cat, and vanished.</p> - -<p>Alice was not much surprised at this, she was getting so used -to queer things happening. While she was looking at the place -where it had been, it suddenly appeared again.</p> - -<p>'By-the-bye, what became of the baby?' said the Cat. 'I'd -nearly forgotten to ask.'</p> - -<p>'It turned into a pig,' Alice quietly said, just as if it had -come back in a natural way.</p> - -<p>'I thought it would,' said the Cat, and vanished again.</p> - -<p>Alice waited a little, half expecting to see it again, but it -did not appear, and after a minute or two she walked on in the -direction in which the March Hare was said to live. 'I've seen -hatters before,' she said to herself; 'the March Hare will be -much the most interesting, and perhaps as this is May it won't be -raving mad--at least not so mad as it was in March.' As she said -this, she looked up, and there was the Cat again, sitting on a -branch of a tree.</p> - -<p>'Did you say pig, or fig?' said the Cat.</p> - -<p>'I said pig,' replied Alice; 'and I wish you wouldn't keep -appearing and vanishing so suddenly: you make one quite -giddy.'</p> - -<p>'All right,' said the Cat; and this time it vanished quite -slowly, beginning with the end of the tail, and ending with the -grin, which remained some time after the rest of it had gone.</p> - -<p>'Well! I've often seen a cat without a grin,' thought Alice; -'but a grin without a cat! It's the most curious thing I ever saw -in my life!'</p> - -<p>She had not gone much farther before she came in sight of the -house of the March Hare: she thought it must be the right house, -because the chimneys were shaped like ears and the roof was -thatched with fur. It was so large a house, that she did not like -to go nearer till she had nibbled some more of the lefthand bit -of mushroom, and raised herself to about two feet high: even then -she walked up towards it rather timidly, saying to herself -'Suppose it should be raving mad after all! I almost wish I'd -gone to see the Hatter instead!'</p> - -<hr> -<h3 align="Center">CHAPTER VII</h3> - -<h3 align="Center">A Mad Tea-Party</h3> - -<p>There was a table set out under a tree in front of the house, -and the March Hare and the Hatter were having tea at it: a -Dormouse was sitting between them, fast asleep, and the other two -were using it as a cushion, resting their elbows on it, and -talking over its head. 'Very uncomfortable for the Dormouse,' -thought Alice; 'only, as it's asleep, I suppose it doesn't -mind.'</p> - -<p>The table was a large one, but the three were all crowded -together at one corner of it: 'No room! No room!' they cried out -when they saw Alice coming. 'There's <i>plenty</i> of room!' said -Alice indignantly, and she sat down in a large arm-chair at one -end of the table.</p> - -<p>'Have some wine,' the March Hare said in an encouraging -tone.</p> - -<p>Alice looked all round the table, but there was nothing on it -but tea. 'I don't see any wine,' she remarked.</p> - -<p>'There isn't any,' said the March Hare.</p> - -<p>'Then it wasn't very civil of you to offer it,' said Alice -angrily.</p> - -<p>'It wasn't very civil of you to sit down without being -invited,' said the March Hare.</p> - -<p>'I didn't know it was <i>your</i> table,' said Alice; 'it's -laid for a great many more than three.'</p> - -<p>'Your hair wants cutting,' said the Hatter. He had been -looking at Alice for some time with great curiosity, and this was -his first speech.</p> - -<p>'You should learn not to make personal remarks,' Alice said -with some severity; 'it's very rude.'</p> - -<p>The Hatter opened his eyes very wide on hearing this; but all -he <i>said</i> was, 'Why is a raven like a writing-desk?'</p> - -<p>'Come, we shall have some fun now!' thought Alice. 'I'm glad -they've begun asking riddles.--I believe I can guess that,' she -added aloud.</p> - -<p>'Do you mean that you think you can find out the answer to -it?' said the March Hare.</p> - -<p>'Exactly so,' said Alice.</p> - -<p>'Then you should say what you mean,' the March Hare went -on.</p> - -<p>'I do,' Alice hastily replied; 'at least--at least I mean what -I say--that's the same thing, you know.'</p> - -<p>'Not the same thing a bit!' said the Hatter. 'You might just -as well say that "I see what I eat" is the same thing as "I eat -what I see"!'</p> - -<p>'You might just as well say,' added the March Hare, 'that "I -like what I get" is the same thing as "I get what I like"!'</p> - -<p>'You might just as well say,' added the Dormouse, who seemed -to be talking in his sleep, 'that "I breathe when I sleep" is the -same thing as "I sleep when I breathe"!'</p> - -<p>'It <i>is</i> the same thing with you,' said the Hatter, and -here the conversation dropped, and the party sat silent for a -minute, while Alice thought over all she could remember about -ravens and writing-desks, which wasn't much.</p> - -<p>The Hatter was the first to break the silence. 'What day of -the month is it?' he said, turning to Alice: he had taken his -watch out of his pocket, and was looking at it uneasily, shaking -it every now and then, and holding it to his ear.</p> - -<p>Alice considered a little, and then said 'The fourth.'</p> - -<p>'Two days wrong!' sighed the Hatter. 'I told you butter -wouldn't suit the works!' he added looking angrily at the March -Hare.</p> - -<p>'It was the <i>best</i> butter,' the March Hare meekly -replied.</p> - -<p>'Yes, but some crumbs must have got in as well,' the Hatter -grumbled: 'you shouldn't have put it in with the -bread-knife.'</p> - -<p>The March Hare took the watch and looked at it gloomily: then -he dipped it into his cup of tea, and looked at it again: but he -could think of nothing better to say than his first remark, 'It -was the <i>best</i> butter, you know.'</p> - -<p>Alice had been looking over his shoulder with some curiosity. -'What a funny watch!' she remarked. 'It tells the day of the -month, and doesn't tell what o'clock it is!'</p> - -<p>'Why should it?' muttered the Hatter. 'Does <i>your</i> watch -tell you what year it is?'</p> - -<p>'Of course not,' Alice replied very readily: 'but that's -because it stays the same year for such a long time -together.'</p> - -<p>'Which is just the case with <i>mine</i>,' said the -Hatter.</p> - -<p>Alice felt dreadfully puzzled. The Hatter's remark seemed to -have no sort of meaning in it, and yet it was certainly English. -'I don't quite understand you,' she said, as politely as she -could.</p> - -<p>'The Dormouse is asleep again,' said the Hatter, and he poured -a little hot tea upon its nose.</p> - -<p>The Dormouse shook its head impatiently, and said, without -opening its eyes, 'Of course, of course; just what I was going to -remark myself.'</p> - -<p>'Have you guessed the riddle yet?' the Hatter said, turning to -Alice again.</p> - -<p>'No, I give it up,' Alice replied: 'what's the answer?'</p> - -<p>'I haven't the slightest idea,' said the Hatter.</p> - -<p>'Nor I,' said the March Hare.</p> - -<p>Alice sighed wearily. 'I think you might do something better -with the time,' she said, 'than waste it in asking riddles that -have no answers.'</p> - -<p>'If you knew Time as well as I do,' said the Hatter, 'you -wouldn't talk about wasting <i>it</i>. It's <i>him</i>.'</p> - -<p>'I don't know what you mean,' said Alice.</p> - -<p>'Of course you don't!' the Hatter said, tossing his head -contemptuously. 'I dare say you never even spoke to Time!'</p> - -<p>'Perhaps not,' Alice cautiously replied: 'but I know I have to -beat time when I learn music.'</p> - -<p>'Ah! that accounts for it,' said the Hatter. 'He won't stand -beating. Now, if you only kept on good terms with him, he'd do -almost anything you liked with the clock. For instance, suppose -it were nine o'clock in the morning, just time to begin lessons: -you'd only have to whisper a hint to Time, and round goes the -clock in a twinkling! Half-past one, time for dinner!'</p> - -<p>('I only wish it was,' the March Hare said to itself in a -whisper.)</p> - -<p>'That would be grand, certainly,' said Alice thoughtfully: -'but then--I shouldn't be hungry for it, you know.'</p> - -<p>'Not at first, perhaps,' said the Hatter: 'but you could keep -it to half-past one as long as you liked.'</p> - -<p>'Is that the way <i>you</i> manage?' Alice asked.</p> - -<p>The Hatter shook his head mournfully. 'Not I!' he replied. 'We -quarrelled last March--just before <i>he</i> went mad, you -know--' (pointing with his tea spoon at the March Hare,) '--it -was at the great concert given by the Queen of Hearts, and I had -to sing</p> - -<p><i>"Twinkle, twinkle, little bat!</i></p> - -<p><i>How I wonder what you're at!"</i></p> - -<p>You know the song, perhaps?'</p> - -<p>'I've heard something like it,' said Alice.</p> - -<p>'It goes on, you know,' the Hatter continued, 'in this -way:--</p> - -<p><i>"Up above the world you fly,</i></p> - -<p><i>Like a tea-tray in the sky.</i></p> - -<p><i>Twinkle, twinkle--"'</i></p> - -<p>Here the Dormouse shook itself, and began singing in its sleep -'<i>Twinkle, twinkle, twinkle, twinkle--</i>' and went on so long -that they had to pinch it to make it stop.</p> - -<p>'Well, I'd hardly finished the first verse,' said the Hatter, -'when the Queen jumped up and bawled out, "He's murdering the -time! Off with his head!"'</p> - -<p>'How dreadfully savage!' exclaimed Alice.</p> - -<p>'And ever since that,' the Hatter went on in a mournful tone, -'he won't do a thing I ask! It's always six o'clock now.'</p> - -<p>A bright idea came into Alice's head. 'Is that the reason so -many tea-things are put out here?' she asked.</p> - -<p>'Yes, that's it,' said the Hatter with a sigh: 'it's always -tea-time, and we've no time to wash the things between -whiles.'</p> - -<p>'Then you keep moving round, I suppose?' said Alice.</p> - -<p>'Exactly so,' said the Hatter: 'as the things get used -up.'</p> - -<p>'But what happens when you come to the beginning again?' Alice -ventured to ask.</p> - -<p>'Suppose we change the subject,' the March Hare interrupted, -yawning. 'I'm getting tired of this. I vote the young lady tells -us a story.'</p> - -<p>'I'm afraid I don't know one,' said Alice, rather alarmed at -the proposal.</p> - -<p>'Then the Dormouse shall!' they both cried. 'Wake up, -Dormouse!' And they pinched it on both sides at once.</p> - -<p>The Dormouse slowly opened his eyes. 'I wasn't asleep,' he -said in a hoarse, feeble voice: 'I heard every word you fellows -were saying.'</p> - -<p>'Tell us a story!' said the March Hare.</p> - -<p>'Yes, please do!' pleaded Alice.</p> - -<p>'And be quick about it,' added the Hatter, 'or you'll be -asleep again before it's done.'</p> - -<p>'Once upon a time there were three little sisters,' the -Dormouse began in a great hurry; 'and their names were Elsie, -Lacie, and Tillie; and they lived at the bottom of a well--'</p> - -<p>'What did they live on?' said Alice, who always took a great -interest in questions of eating and drinking.</p> - -<p>'They lived on treacle,' said the Dormouse, after thinking a -minute or two.</p> - -<p>'They couldn't have done that, you know,' Alice gently -remarked; 'they'd have been ill.'</p> - -<p>'So they were,' said the Dormouse; '<i>very</i> ill.'</p> - -<p>Alice tried to fancy to herself what such an extraordinary -ways of living would be like, but it puzzled her too much, so she -went on: 'But why did they live at the bottom of a well?'</p> - -<p>'Take some more tea,' the March Hare said to Alice, very -earnestly.</p> - -<p>'I've had nothing yet,' Alice replied in an offended tone, 'so -I can't take more.'</p> - -<p>'You mean you can't take <i>less</i>,' said the Hatter: 'it's -very easy to take <i>more</i> than nothing.'</p> - -<p>'Nobody asked <i>your</i> opinion,' said Alice.</p> - -<p>'Who's making personal remarks now?' the Hatter asked -triumphantly.</p> - -<p>Alice did not quite know what to say to this: so she helped -herself to some tea and bread-and-butter, and then turned to the -Dormouse, and repeated her question. 'Why did they live at the -bottom of a well?'</p> - -<p>The Dormouse again took a minute or two to think about it, and -then said, 'It was a treacle-well.'</p> - -<p>'There's no such thing!' Alice was beginning very angrily, but -the Hatter and the March Hare went 'Sh! sh!' and the Dormouse -sulkily remarked, 'If you can't be civil, you'd better finish the -story for yourself.'</p> - -<p>'No, please go on!' Alice said very humbly; 'I won't interrupt -again. I dare say there may be <i>one</i>.'</p> - -<p>'One, indeed!' said the Dormouse indignantly. However, he -consented to go on. 'And so these three little sisters--they were -learning to draw, you know--'</p> - -<p>'What did they draw?' said Alice, quite forgetting her -promise.</p> - -<p>'Treacle,' said the Dormouse, without considering at all this -time.</p> - -<p>'I want a clean cup,' interrupted the Hatter: 'let's all move -one place on.'</p> - -<p>He moved on as he spoke, and the Dormouse followed him: the -March Hare moved into the Dormouse's place, and Alice rather -unwillingly took the place of the March Hare. The Hatter was the -only one who got any advantage from the change: and Alice was a -good deal worse off than before, as the March Hare had just upset -the milk-jug into his plate.</p> - -<p>Alice did not wish to offend the Dormouse again, so she began -very cautiously: 'But I don't understand. Where did they draw the -treacle from?'</p> - -<p>'You can draw water out of a water-well,' said the Hatter; 'so -I should think you could draw treacle out of a treacle-well--eh, -stupid?'</p> - -<p>'But they were <i>in</i> the well,' Alice said to the -Dormouse, not choosing to notice this last remark.</p> - -<p>'Of course they were', said the Dormouse; '--well in.'</p> - -<p>This answer so confused poor Alice, that she let the Dormouse -go on for some time without interrupting it.</p> - -<p>'They were learning to draw,' the Dormouse went on, yawning -and rubbing its eyes, for it was getting very sleepy; 'and they -drew all manner of things--everything that begins with an -M--'</p> - -<p>'Why with an M?' said Alice.</p> - -<p>'Why not?' said the March Hare.</p> - -<p>Alice was silent.</p> - -<p>The Dormouse had closed its eyes by this time, and was going -off into a doze; but, on being pinched by the Hatter, it woke up -again with a little shriek, and went on: '--that begins with an -M, such as mouse-traps, and the moon, and memory, and muchness-- -you know you say things are "much of a muchness"--did you ever -see such a thing as a drawing of a muchness?'</p> - -<p>'Really, now you ask me,' said Alice, very much confused, 'I -don't think--'</p> - -<p>'Then you shouldn't talk,' said the Hatter.</p> - -<p>This piece of rudeness was more than Alice could bear: she got -up in great disgust, and walked off; the Dormouse fell asleep -instantly, and neither of the others took the least notice of her -going, though she looked back once or twice, half hoping that -they would call after her: the last time she saw them, they were -trying to put the Dormouse into the teapot.</p> - -<p>'At any rate I'll never go <i>there</i> again!' said Alice as -she picked her way through the wood. 'It's the stupidest -tea-party I ever was at in all my life!'</p> - -<p>Just as she said this, she noticed that one of the trees had a -door leading right into it. 'That's very curious!' she thought. -'But everything's curious today. I think I may as well go in at -once.' And in she went.</p> - -<p>Once more she found herself in the long hall, and close to the -little glass table. 'Now, I'll manage better this time,' she said -to herself, and began by taking the little golden key, and -unlocking the door that led into the garden. Then she went to -work nibbling at the mushroom (she had kept a piece of it in her -pocket) till she was about a foot high: then she walked down the -little passage: and <i>then</i>--she found herself at last in the -beautiful garden, among the bright flower-beds and the cool -fountains.</p> - -<hr> -<h3 align="Center">CHAPTER VIII</h3> - -<h3 align="Center">The Queen's Croquet-Ground</h3> - -<p>A large rose-tree stood near the entrance of the garden: the -roses growing on it were white, but there were three gardeners at -it, busily painting them red. Alice thought this a very curious -thing, and she went nearer to watch them, and just as she came up -to them she heard one of them say, 'Look out now, Five! Don't go -splashing paint over me like that!'</p> - -<p>'I couldn't help it,' said Five, in a sulky tone; 'Seven -jogged my elbow.'</p> - -<p>On which Seven looked up and said, 'That's right, Five! Always -lay the blame on others!'</p> - -<p><i>You'd</i> better not talk!' said Five. 'I heard the Queen -say only yesterday you deserved to be beheaded!'</p> - -<p>'What for?' said the one who had spoken first.</p> - -<p>'That's none of <i>your</i> business, Two!' said Seven.</p> - -<p>'Yes, it <i>is</i> his business!' said Five, 'and I'll tell -him--it was for bringing the cook tulip-roots instead of -onions.'</p> - -<p>Seven flung down his brush, and had just begun 'Well, of all -the unjust things--' when his eye chanced to fall upon Alice, as -she stood watching them, and he checked himself suddenly: the -others looked round also, and all of them bowed low.</p> - -<p>'Would you tell me,' said Alice, a little timidly, 'why you -are painting those roses?'</p> - -<p>Five and Seven said nothing, but looked at Two. Two began in a -low voice, 'Why the fact is, you see, Miss, this here ought to -have been a <i>red</i> rose-tree, and we put a white one in by -mistake; and if the Queen was to find it out, we should all have -our heads cut off, you know. So you see, Miss, we're doing our -best, afore she comes, to--' At this moment Five, who had been -anxiously looking across the garden, called out 'The Queen! The -Queen!' and the three gardeners instantly threw themselves flat -upon their faces. There was a sound of many footsteps, and Alice -looked round, eager to see the Queen.</p> - -<p>First came ten soldiers carrying clubs; these were all shaped -like the three gardeners, oblong and flat, with their hands and -feet at the corners: next the ten courtiers; these were -ornamented all over with diamonds, and walked two and two, as the -soldiers did. After these came the royal children; there were ten -of them, and the little dears came jumping merrily along hand in -hand, in couples: they were all ornamented with hearts. Next came -the guests, mostly Kings and Queens, and among them Alice -recognised the White Rabbit: it was talking in a hurried nervous -manner, smiling at everything that was said, and went by without -noticing her. Then followed the Knave of Hearts, carrying the -King's crown on a crimson velvet cushion; and, last of all this -grand procession, came THE KING AND QUEEN OF HEARTS.</p> - -<p>Alice was rather doubtful whether she ought not to lie down on -her face like the three gardeners, but she could not remember -ever having heard of such a rule at processions; 'and besides, -what would be the use of a procession,' thought she, 'if people -had all to lie down upon their faces, so that they couldn't see -it?' So she stood still where she was, and waited.</p> - -<p>When the procession came opposite to Alice, they all stopped -and looked at her, and the Queen said severely 'Who is this?' She -said it to the Knave of Hearts, who only bowed and smiled in -reply.</p> - -<p>'Idiot!' said the Queen, tossing her head impatiently; and, -turning to Alice, she went on, 'What's your name, child?'</p> - -<p>'My name is Alice, so please your Majesty,' said Alice very -politely; but she added, to herself, 'Why, they're only a pack of -cards, after all. I needn't be afraid of them!'</p> - -<p>'And who are <i>these</i>?' said the Queen, pointing to the -three gardeners who were lying round the rosetree; for, you see, -as they were lying on their faces, and the pattern on their backs -was the same as the rest of the pack, she could not tell whether -they were gardeners, or soldiers, or courtiers, or three of her -own children.</p> - -<p>'How should I know?' said Alice, surprised at her own courage. -'It's no business of <i>mine</i>.'</p> - -<p>The Queen turned crimson with fury, and, after glaring at her -for a moment like a wild beast, screamed 'Off with her head! -Off--'</p> - -<p>'Nonsense!' said Alice, very loudly and decidedly, and the -Queen was silent.</p> - -<p>The King laid his hand upon her arm, and timidly said -'Consider, my dear: she is only a child!'</p> - -<p>The Queen turned angrily away from him, and said to the Knave -'Turn them over!'</p> - -<p>The Knave did so, very carefully, with one foot.</p> - -<p>'Get up!' said the Queen, in a shrill, loud voice, and the -three gardeners instantly jumped up, and began bowing to the -King, the Queen, the royal children, and everybody else.</p> - -<p>'Leave off that!' screamed the Queen. 'You make me giddy.' And -then, turning to the rose-tree, she went on, 'What <i>have</i> -you been doing here?'</p> - -<p>'May it please your Majesty,' said Two, in a very humble tone, -going down on one knee as he spoke, 'we were trying--'</p> - -<p>'I see!' said the Queen, who had meanwhile been examining the -roses. 'Off with their heads!' and the procession moved on, three -of the soldiers remaining behind to execute the unfortunate -gardeners, who ran to Alice for protection.</p> - -<p>'You shan't be beheaded!' said Alice, and she put them into a -large flower-pot that stood near. The three soldiers wandered -about for a minute or two, looking for them, and then quietly -marched off after the others.</p> - -<p>'Are their heads off?' shouted the Queen.</p> - -<p>'Their heads are gone, if it please your Majesty!' the -soldiers shouted in reply.</p> - -<p>'That's right!' shouted the Queen. 'Can you play croquet?'</p> - -<p>The soldiers were silent, and looked at Alice, as the question -was evidently meant for her.</p> - -<p>'Yes!' shouted Alice.</p> - -<p>'Come on, then!' roared the Queen, and Alice joined the -procession, wondering very much what would happen next.</p> - -<p>'It's--it's a very fine day!' said a timid voice at her side. -She was walking by the White Rabbit, who was peeping anxiously -into her face.</p> - -<p>'Very,' said Alice: '--where's the Duchess?'</p> - -<p>'Hush! Hush!' said the Rabbit in a low, hurried tone. He -looked anxiously over his shoulder as he spoke, and then raised -himself upon tiptoe, put his mouth close to her ear, and -whispered 'She's under sentence of execution.'</p> - -<p>'What for?' said Alice.</p> - -<p>'Did you say "What a pity!"?' the Rabbit asked.</p> - -<p>'No, I didn't,' said Alice: 'I don't think it's at all a pity. -I said "What for?"'</p> - -<p>'She boxed the Queen's ears--' the Rabbit began. Alice gave a -little scream of laughter. 'Oh, hush!' the Rabbit whispered in a -frightened tone. 'The Queen will hear you! You see, she came -rather late, and the Queen said--'</p> - -<p>'Get to your places!' shouted the Queen in a voice of thunder, -and people began running about in all directions, tumbling up -against each other; however, they got settled down in a minute or -two, and the game began. Alice thought she had never seen such a -curious croquet-ground in her life; it was all ridges and -furrows; the balls were live hedgehogs, the mallets live -flamingoes, and the soldiers had to double themselves up and to -stand on their hands and feet, to make the arches.</p> - -<p>The chief difficulty Alice found at first was in managing her -flamingo: she succeeded in getting its body tucked away, -comfortably enough, under her arm, with its legs hanging down, -but generally, just as she had got its neck nicely straightened -out, and was going to give the hedgehog a blow with its head, it -<i>would</i> twist itself round and look up in her face, with -such a puzzled expression that she could not help bursting out -laughing: and when she had got its head down, and was going to -begin again, it was very provoking to find that the hedgehog had -unrolled itself, and was in the act of crawling away: besides all -this, there was generally a ridge or furrow in the way wherever -she wanted to send the hedgehog to, and, as the doubled-up -soldiers were always getting up and walking off to other parts of -the ground, Alice soon came to the conclusion that it was a very -difficult game indeed.</p> - -<p>The players all played at once without waiting for turns, -quarrelling all the while, and fighting for the hedgehogs; and in -a very short time the Queen was in a furious passion, and went -stamping about, and shouting 'Off with his head!' or 'Off with -her head!' about once in a minute.</p> - -<p>Alice began to feel very uneasy: to be sure, she had not as -yet had any dispute with the Queen, but she knew that it might -happen any minute, 'and then,' thought she, 'what would become of -me? They're dreadfully fond of beheading people here; the great -wonder is, that there's any one left alive!'</p> - -<p>She was looking about for some way of escape, and wondering -whether she could get away without being seen, when she noticed a -curious appearance in the air: it puzzled her very much at first, -but, after watching it a minute or two, she made it out to be a -grin, and she said to herself 'It's the Cheshire Cat: now I shall -have somebody to talk to.'</p> - -<p>'How are you getting on?' said the Cat, as soon as there was -mouth enough for it to speak with.</p> - -<p>Alice waited till the eyes appeared, and then nodded. 'It's no -use speaking to it,' she thought, 'till its ears have come, or at -least one of them.' In another minute the whole head appeared, -and then Alice put down her flamingo, and began an account of the -game, feeling very glad she had someone to listen to her. The Cat -seemed to think that there was enough of it now in sight, and no -more of it appeared.</p> - -<p>'I don't think they play at all fairly,' Alice began, in -rather a complaining tone, 'and they all quarrel so dreadfully -one can't hear oneself speak--and they don't seem to have any -rules in particular; at least, if there are, nobody attends to -them--and you've no idea how confusing it is all the things being -alive; for instance, there's the arch I've got to go through next -walking about at the other end of the ground--and I should have -croqueted the Queen's hedgehog just now, only it ran away when it -saw mine coming!'</p> - -<p>'How do you like the Queen?' said the Cat in a low voice.</p> - -<p>'Not at all,' said Alice: 'she's so extremely--' Just then she -noticed that the Queen was close behind her, listening: so she -went on, '--likely to win, that it's hardly worth while finishing -the game.'</p> - -<p>The Queen smiled and passed on.</p> - -<p>'Who <i>are</i> you talking to?' said the King, going up to -Alice, and looking at the Cat's head with great curiosity.</p> - -<p>'It's a friend of mine--a Cheshire Cat,' said Alice: 'allow me -to introduce it.'</p> - -<p>'I don't like the look of it at all,' said the King: 'however, -it may kiss my hand if it likes.'</p> - -<p>'I'd rather not,' the Cat remarked.</p> - -<p>'Don't be impertinent,' said the King, 'and don't look at me -like that!' He got behind Alice as he spoke.</p> - -<p>'A cat may look at a king,' said Alice. 'I've read that in -some book, but I don't remember where.'</p> - -<p>'Well, it must be removed,' said the King very decidedly, and -he called the Queen, who was passing at the moment, 'My dear! I -wish you would have this cat removed!'</p> - -<p>The Queen had only one way of settling all difficulties, great -or small. 'Off with his head!' she said, without even looking -round.</p> - -<p>'I'll fetch the executioner myself,' said the King eagerly, -and he hurried off.</p> - -<p>Alice thought she might as well go back, and see how the game -was going on, as she heard the Queen's voice in the distance, -screaming with passion. She had already heard her sentence three -of the players to be executed for having missed their turns, and -she did not like the look of things at all, as the game was in -such confusion that she never knew whether it was her turn or -not. So she went in search of her hedgehog.</p> - -<p>The hedgehog was engaged in a fight with another hedgehog, -which seemed to Alice an excellent opportunity for croqueting one -of them with the other: the only difficulty was, that her -flamingo was gone across to the other side of the garden, where -Alice could see it trying in a helpless sort of way to fly up -into a tree.</p> - -<p>By the time she had caught the flamingo and brought it back, -the fight was over, and both the hedgehogs were out of sight: -'but it doesn't matter much,' thought Alice, 'as all the arches -are gone from this side of the ground.' So she tucked it away -under her arm, that it might not escape again, and went back for -a little more conversation with her friend.</p> - -<p>When she got back to the Cheshire Cat, she was surprised to -find quite a large crowd collected round it: there was a dispute -going on between the executioner, the King, and the Queen, who -were all talking at once, while all the rest were quite silent, -and looked very uncomfortable.</p> - -<p>The moment Alice appeared, she was appealed to by all three to -settle the question, and they repeated their arguments to her, -though, as they all spoke at once, she found it very hard indeed -to make out exactly what they said.</p> - -<p>The executioner's argument was, that you couldn't cut off a -head unless there was a body to cut it off from: that he had -never had to do such a thing before, and he wasn't going to begin -at <i>his</i> time of life.</p> - -<p>The King's argument was, that anything that had a head could -be beheaded, and that you weren't to talk nonsense.</p> - -<p>The Queen's argument was, that if something wasn't done about -it in less than no time she'd have everybody executed, all round. -(It was this last remark that had made the whole party look so -grave and anxious.)</p> - -<p>Alice could think of nothing else to say but 'It belongs to -the Duchess: you'd better ask <i>her</i> about it.'</p> - -<p>'She's in prison,' the Queen said to the executioner: 'fetch -her here.' And the executioner went off like an arrow.</p> - -<p>The Cat's head began fading away the moment he was gone, and, -by the time he had come back with the Duchess, it had entirely -disappeared; so the King and the executioner ran wildly up and -down looking for it, while the rest of the party went back to the -game.</p> - -<hr> -<h3 align="Center">CHAPTER IX</h3> - -<h3 align="Center">The Mock Turtle's Story</h3> - -<p>'You can't think how glad I am to see you again, you dear old -thing!' said the Duchess, as she tucked her arm affectionately -into Alice's, and they walked off together.</p> - -<p>Alice was very glad to find her in such a pleasant temper, and -thought to herself that perhaps it was only the pepper that had -made her so savage when they met in the kitchen.</p> - -<p>'When <i>I'm</i> a Duchess,' she said to herself, (not in a -very hopeful tone though), 'I won't have any pepper in my kitchen -<i>at all</i>. Soup does very well without--Maybe it's always -pepper that makes people hot-tempered,' she went on, very much -pleased at having found out a new kind of rule, 'and vinegar that -makes them sour--and camomile that makes them bitter--and--and -barley-sugar and such things that make children sweet-tempered. I -only wish people knew that: then they wouldn't be so stingy about -it, you know--'</p> - -<p>She had quite forgotten the Duchess by this time, and was a -little startled when she heard her voice close to her ear. -'You're thinking about something, my dear, and that makes you -forget to talk. I can't tell you just now what the moral of that -is, but I shall remember it in a bit.'</p> - -<p>'Perhaps it hasn't one,' Alice ventured to remark.</p> - -<p>'Tut, tut, child!' said the Duchess. 'Everything's got a -moral, if only you can find it.' And she squeezed herself up -closer to Alice's side as she spoke.</p> - -<p>Alice did not much like keeping so close to her: first, -because the Duchess was <i>very</i> ugly; and secondly, because she was -exactly the right height to rest her chin upon Alice's shoulder, -and it was an uncomfortably sharp chin. However, she did not like -to be rude, so she bore it as well as she could.</p> - -<p>'The game's going on rather better now,' she said, by way of -keeping up the conversation a little.</p> - -<p>''Tis so,' said the Duchess: 'and the moral of that is--"Oh, -'tis love, 'tis love, that makes the world go round!"'</p> - -<p>'Somebody said,' Alice whispered, 'that it's done by everybody -minding their own business!'</p> - -<p>'Ah, well! It means much the same thing,' said the Duchess, -digging her sharp little chin into Alice's shoulder as she added, -'and the moral of <i>that</i> is--"Take care of the sense, and -the sounds will take care of themselves."'</p> - -<p>'How fond she is of finding morals in things!' Alice thought -to herself.</p> - -<p>'I dare say you're wondering why I don't put my arm round your -waist,' the Duchess said after a pause: 'the reason is, that I'm -doubtful about the temper of your flamingo. Shall I try the -experiment?'</p> - -<p>'<i>He</i> might bite,' Alice cautiously replied, not feeling -at all anxious to have the experiment tried.</p> - -<p>'Very true,' said the Duchess: 'flamingoes and mustard both -bite. And the moral of that is--"Birds of a feather flock -together."'</p> - -<p>'Only mustard isn't a bird,' Alice remarked.</p> - -<p>'Right, as usual,' said the Duchess: 'what a clear way you -have of putting things!'</p> - -<p>'It's a mineral, I <i>think</i>,' said Alice.</p> - -<p>'Of course it is,' said the Duchess, who seemed ready to agree -to everything that Alice said; 'there's a large mustard-mine near -here. And the moral of that is--"The more there is of mine, the -less there is of yours."'</p> - -<p>'Oh, I know!' exclaimed Alice, who had not attended to this -last remark, 'it's a vegetable. It doesn't look like one, but it -is.'</p> - -<p>'I quite agree with you,' said the Duchess; 'and the moral of -that is--"Be what you would seem to be"--or if you'd like it put -more simply--"Never imagine yourself not to be otherwise than -what it might appear to others that what you were or might have -been was not otherwise than what you had been would have appeared -to them to be otherwise."'</p> - -<p>'I think I should understand that better,' Alice said very -politely, 'if I had it written down: but I can't quite follow it -as you say it.'</p> - -<p>'That's nothing to what I could say if I chose,' the Duchess -replied, in a pleased tone.</p> - -<p>'Pray don't trouble yourself to say it any longer than that,' -said Alice.</p> - -<p>'Oh, don't talk about trouble!' said the Duchess. 'I make you -a present of everything I've said as yet.'</p> - -<p>'A cheap sort of present!' thought Alice. 'I'm glad they don't -give birthday presents like that!' But she did not venture to say -it out loud.</p> - -<p>'Thinking again?' the Duchess asked, with another dig of her -sharp little chin.</p> - -<p>'I've a right to think,' said Alice sharply, for she was -beginning to feel a little worried.</p> - -<p>'Just about as much right,' said the Duchess, 'as pigs have to -fly; and the m--'</p> - -<p>But here, to Alice's great surprise, the Duchess's voice died -away, even in the middle of her favourite word 'moral,' and the -arm that was linked into hers began to tremble. Alice looked up, -and there stood the Queen in front of them, with her arms folded, -frowning like a thunderstorm.</p> - -<p>'A fine day, your Majesty!' the Duchess began in a low, weak -voice.</p> - -<p>'Now, I give you fair warning,' shouted the Queen, stamping on -the ground as she spoke; 'either you or your head must be off, -and that in about half no time! Take your choice!'</p> - -<p>The Duchess took her choice, and was gone in a moment.</p> - -<p>'Let's go on with the game,' the Queen said to Alice; and -Alice was too much frightened to say a word, but slowly followed -her back to the croquet-ground.</p> - -<p>The other guests had taken advantage of the Queen's absence, -and were resting in the shade: however, the moment they saw her, -they hurried back to the game, the Queen merely remarking that a -moment's delay would cost them their lives.</p> - -<p>All the time they were playing the Queen never left off -quarrelling with the other players, and shouting 'Off with his -head!' or 'Off with her head!' Those whom she sentenced were -taken into custody by the soldiers, who of course had to leave -off being arches to do this, so that by the end of half an hour -or so there were no arches left, and all the players, except the -King, the Queen, and Alice, were in custody and under sentence of -execution.</p> - -<p>Then the Queen left off, quite out of breath, and said to -Alice, 'Have you seen the Mock Turtle yet?'</p> - -<p>'No,' said Alice. 'I don't even know what a Mock Turtle -is.'</p> - -<p>'It's the thing Mock Turtle Soup is made from,' said the -Queen.</p> - -<p>'I never saw one, or heard of one,' said Alice.</p> - -<p>'Come on, then,' said the Queen, 'and he shall tell you his -history,'</p> - -<p>As they walked off together, Alice heard the King say in a low -voice, to the company generally, 'You are all pardoned.' 'Come, -<i>that's</i> a good thing!' she said to herself, for she had -felt quite unhappy at the number of executions the Queen had -ordered.</p> - -<p>They very soon came upon a Gryphon, lying fast asleep in the -sun. (<i>If</i> you don't know what a Gryphon is, look at the picture.) -'Up, lazy thing!' said the Queen, 'and take this young lady to -see the Mock Turtle, and to hear his history. I must go back and -see after some executions I have ordered'; and she walked off, -leaving Alice alone with the Gryphon. Alice did not quite like -the look of the creature, but on the whole she thought it would -be quite as safe to stay with it as to go after that savage -Queen: so she waited.</p> - -<p>The Gryphon sat up and rubbed its eyes: then it watched the -Queen till she was out of sight: then it chuckled. 'What fun!' -said the Gryphon, half to itself, half to Alice.</p> - -<p>'What <i>is</i> the fun?' said Alice.</p> - -<p>'Why, <i>she</i>,' said the Gryphon. 'It's all her fancy, -that: they never executes nobody, you know. Come on!'</p> - -<p>'Everybody says "come on!" here,' thought Alice, as she went -slowly after it: 'I never was so ordered about in all my life, -never!'</p> - -<p>They had not gone far before they saw the Mock Turtle in the -distance, sitting sad and lonely on a little ledge of rock, and, -as they came nearer, Alice could hear him sighing as if his heart -would break. She pitied him deeply. 'What is his sorrow?' she -asked the Gryphon, and the Gryphon answered, very nearly in the -same words as before, 'It's all his fancy, that: he hasn't got no -sorrow, you know. Come on!'</p> - -<p>So they went up to the Mock Turtle, who looked at them with -large eyes full of tears, but said nothing.</p> - -<p>'This here young lady,' said the Gryphon, 'she wants for to -know your history, she do.'</p> - -<p>'I'll tell it her,' said the Mock Turtle in a deep, hollow -tone: 'sit down, both of you, and don't speak a word till I've -finished.'</p> - -<p>So they sat down, and nobody spoke for some minutes. Alice -thought to herself, 'I don't see how he can <i>even</i> finish, -if he doesn't begin.' But she waited patiently.</p> - -<p>'Once,' said the Mock Turtle at last, with a deep sigh, 'I was -a real Turtle.'</p> - -<p>These words were followed by a very long silence, broken only -by an occasional exclamation of 'Hjckrrh!' from the Gryphon, and -the constant heavy sobbing of the Mock Turtle. Alice was very -nearly getting up and saying, 'Thank you, sir, for your -interesting story,' but she could not help thinking there -<i>must</i> be more to come, so she sat still and said -nothing.</p> - -<p>'When we were little,' the Mock Turtle went on at last, more -calmly, though still sobbing a little now and then, 'we went to -school in the sea. The master was an old Turtle--we used to call -him Tortoise--'</p> - -<p>'Why did you call him Tortoise, if he wasn't one?' Alice -asked.</p> - -<p>'We called him Tortoise because he taught us,' said the Mock -Turtle angrily: 'really you are very dull!'</p> - -<p>'You ought to be ashamed of yourself for asking such a simple -question,' added the Gryphon; and then they both sat silent and -looked at poor Alice, who felt ready to sink into the earth. At -last the Gryphon said to the Mock Turtle, 'Drive on, old fellow! -Don't be all day about it!' and he went on in these words:</p> - -<p>'Yes, we went to school in the sea, though you mayn't believe -it--'</p> - -<p>'I never said I didn't!' interrupted Alice.</p> - -<p>'You did,' said the Mock Turtle.</p> - -<p>'Hold your tongue!' added the Gryphon, before Alice could -speak again. The Mock Turtle went on.</p> - -<p>'We had the best of educations--in fact, we went to school -every day--'</p> - -<p>'<i>I've</i> been to a day-school, too,' said Alice; 'you -needn't be so proud as all that.'</p> - -<p>'With extras?' asked the Mock Turtle a little anxiously.</p> - -<p>'Yes,' said Alice, 'we learned French and music.'</p> - -<p>'And washing?' said the Mock Turtle.</p> - -<p>'Certainly not!' said Alice indignantly.</p> - -<p>'Ah! then yours wasn't a really good school,' said the Mock -Turtle in a tone of great relief. 'Now at <i>ours</i> they had at -the end of the bill, "French, music, <i>and -washing</i>--extra."'</p> - -<p>'You couldn't have wanted it much,' said Alice; 'living at the -bottom of the sea.'</p> - -<p>'I couldn't afford to learn it.' said the Mock Turtle with a -sigh. 'I only took the regular course.'</p> - -<p>'What was that?' inquired Alice.</p> - -<p>'Reeling and Writhing, of course, to begin with,' the Mock -Turtle replied; 'and then the different branches of Arithmetic-- -Ambition, Distraction, Uglification, and Derision.'</p> - -<p>'I never heard of "Uglification,"' Alice ventured to say. -'What is it?'</p> - -<p>The Gryphon lifted up both its paws in surprise. 'What! Never -heard of uglifying!' it exclaimed. 'You know what to beautify is, -I suppose?'</p> - -<p>'Yes,' said Alice doubtfully: 'it -means--to--make--anything--prettier.'</p> - -<p>'Well, then,' the Gryphon went on, 'if you don't know what to -uglify is, you <i>are</i> a simpleton.'</p> - -<p>Alice did not feel encouraged to ask any more questions about -it, so she turned to the Mock Turtle, and said 'What else had you -to learn?'</p> - -<p>'Well, there was Mystery,' the Mock Turtle replied, counting -off the subjects on his flappers, '--Mystery, ancient and modern, -with Seaography: then Drawling--the Drawling-master was an old -conger-eel, that used to come once a week: <i>He</i> taught us -Drawling, Stretching, and Fainting in Coils.'</p> - -<p>'What was <i>that</i> like?' said Alice.</p> - -<p>'Well, I can't show it you myself,' the Mock Turtle said: 'I'm -too stiff. And the Gryphon never learnt it.'</p> - -<p>'Hadn't time,' said the Gryphon: 'I went to the Classics -master, though. He was an old crab, <i>he</i> was.'</p> - -<p>'I never went to him,' the Mock Turtle said with a sigh: 'he -taught Laughing and Grief, they used to say.'</p> - -<p>'So he did, so he did,' said the Gryphon, sighing in his turn; -and both creatures hid their faces in their paws.</p> - -<p>'And how many hours a day did you do lessons?' said Alice, in -a hurry to change the subject.</p> - -<p>'Ten hours the first day,' said the Mock Turtle: 'nine the -next, and so on.'</p> - -<p>'What a curious plan!' exclaimed Alice.</p> - -<p>'That's the reason they're called lessons,' the Gryphon -remarked: 'because they lessen from day to day.'</p> - -<p>This was quite a new idea to Alice, and she thought it over a -little before she made her next remark. 'Then the eleventh day -must have been a holiday?'</p> - -<p>'Of course it was,' said the Mock Turtle.</p> - -<p>'And how did you manage on the twelfth?' Alice went on -eagerly.</p> - -<p>'That's enough about lessons,' the Gryphon interrupted in a -very decided tone: 'tell her something about the games now.'</p> - -<hr> -<h3 align="Center">CHAPTER X</h3> - -<h3 align="Center">The Lobster Quadrille</h3> - -<p>The Mock Turtle sighed deeply, and drew the back of one -flapper across his eyes. He looked at Alice, and tried to speak, -but for a minute or two sobs choked his voice. 'Same as if he had -a bone in his throat,' said the Gryphon: and it set to work -shaking him and punching him in the back. At last the Mock Turtle -recovered his voice, and, with tears running down his cheeks, he -went on again:--</p> - -<p>'You may not have lived much under the sea--' ('I haven't,' -said Alice)-- 'and perhaps you were never even introduced to a -lobster--' (Alice began to say 'I once tasted--' but checked -herself hastily, and said 'No, never') '--so you can have no idea -what a delightful thing a Lobster Quadrille is!'</p> - -<p>'No, indeed,' said Alice. 'What sort of a dance is it?'</p> - -<p>'Why,' said the Gryphon, 'you first form into a line along the -sea-shore--'</p> - -<p>'Two lines!' cried the Mock Turtle. 'Seals, turtles, salmon, -and so on; then, when you've cleared all the jelly-fish out of -the way--'</p> - -<p>'<i>That</i> generally takes some time,' interrupted the -Gryphon.</p> - -<p>'--you advance twice--'</p> - -<p>'Each with a lobster as a partner!' cried the Gryphon.</p> - -<p>'Of course,' the Mock Turtle said: 'advance twice, set to -partners--'</p> - -<p>'--change lobsters, and retire in same order,' continued the -Gryphon.</p> - -<p>'Then, you know,' the Mock Turtle went on, 'you throw -the--'</p> - -<p>'The lobsters!' shouted the Gryphon, with a bound into the -air.</p> - -<p>'--as far out to sea as you can--'</p> - -<p>'Swim after them!' screamed the Gryphon.</p> - -<p>'Turn a somersault in the sea!' cried the Mock Turtle, -capering wildly about.</p> - -<p>'Change lobster's again!' yelled the Gryphon at the top of its -voice.</p> - -<p>'Back to land again, and that's all the first figure,' said -the Mock Turtle, suddenly dropping his voice; and the two -creatures, who had been jumping about like mad things all this -time, sat down again very sadly and quietly, and looked at -Alice.</p> - -<p>'It must be a very pretty dance,' said Alice timidly.</p> - -<p>'Would you like to see a little of it?' said the Mock -Turtle.</p> - -<p>'Very much indeed,' said Alice.</p> - -<p>'Come, let's try the first figure!' said the Mock Turtle to -the Gryphon. 'We can do without lobsters, you know. Which shall -sing?'</p> - -<p>'Oh, <i>you</i> sing,' said the Gryphon. 'I've forgotten the -words.'</p> - -<p>So they began solemnly dancing round and round Alice, every -now and then treading on her toes when they passed too close, and -waving their forepaws to mark the time, while the Mock Turtle -sang this, very slowly and sadly:--</p> - -<p><i>'"Will you walk a little faster?" said a whiting to a -snail. "There's a porpoise close behind us, and he's treading on -my tail. See how eagerly the lobsters and the turtles all -advance! They are waiting on the shingle--will you come and join -the dance?</i></p> - -<p><i>Will you, won't you, will you, won't you, will you join the -dance? Will you, won't you, will you, won't you, won't you join -the dance?</i></p> - -<p><i>"You can really have no notion how delightful it will be -When they take us up and throw us, with the lobsters, out to -sea!" But the snail replied "Too far, too far!" and gave a look -askance-- Said he thanked the whiting kindly, but he would not -join the dance. Would not, could not, would not, could not, would -not join the dance. Would not, could not, would not, could not, -could not join the dance.</i></p> - -<p><i>'"What matters it how far we go?" his scaly friend replied. -"There is another shore, you know, upon the other side. The -further off from England the nearer is to France-- Then turn not -pale, beloved snail, but come and join the dance.</i></p> - -<p><i>Will you, won't you, will you, won't you, will you join the -dance? Will you, won't you, will you, won't you, won't you join -the dance?"'</i></p> - -<p>'Thank you, it's a very interesting dance to watch,' said -Alice, feeling very glad that it was over at last: 'and I do so -like that curious song about the whiting!'</p> - -<p>'Oh, as to the whiting,' said the Mock Turtle, 'they--you've -seen them, of course?'</p> - -<p>'Yes,' said Alice, 'I've often seen them at dinn--' she -checked herself hastily.</p> - -<p>'I don't know where Dinn may be,' said the Mock Turtle, 'but -if you've seen them so often, of course you know what they're -like.'</p> - -<p>'I believe so,' Alice replied thoughtfully. 'They have their -tails in their mouths--and they're all over crumbs.'</p> - -<p>'You're wrong about the crumbs,' said the Mock Turtle: 'crumbs -would all wash off in the sea. But they <i>have</i> their tails -in their mouths; and the reason is--' here the Mock Turtle yawned -and shut his eyes.--'Tell her about the reason and all that,' he -said to the Gryphon.</p> - -<p>'The reason is,' said the Gryphon, 'that they <i>would</i> go -with the lobsters to the dance. So they got thrown out to sea. So -they had to fall a long way. So they got their tails fast in -their mouths. So they couldn't get them out again. That's -all.'</p> - -<p>'Thank you,' said Alice, 'it's very interesting. I never knew -so much about a whiting before.'</p> - -<p>'I can tell you more than that, if you like,' said the -Gryphon. 'Do you know why it's called a whiting?'</p> - -<p>'I never thought about it,' said Alice. 'Why?'</p> - -<p><i>'It does the boots and shoes.'</i> the Gryphon replied very -solemnly.</p> - -<p>Alice was thoroughly puzzled. 'Does the boots and shoes!' she -repeated in a wondering tone.</p> - -<p>'Why, what are <i>your</i> shoes done with?' said the Gryphon. -'I mean, what makes them so shiny?'</p> - -<p>Alice looked down at them, and considered a little before she -gave her answer. 'They're done with blacking, I believe.'</p> - -<p>'Boots and shoes under the sea,' the Gryphon went on in a deep -voice, 'are done with a whiting. Now you know.'</p> - -<p>'And what are they made of?' Alice asked in a tone of great -curiosity.</p> - -<p>'Soles and eels, of course,' the Gryphon replied rather -impatiently: 'any shrimp could have told you that.'</p> - -<p>'If I'd been the whiting,' said Alice, whose thoughts were -still running on the song, 'I'd have said to the porpoise, "Keep -back, please: we don't want <i>you</i> with us!"'</p> - -<p>'They were obliged to have him with them,' the Mock Turtle -said: 'no wise fish would go anywhere without a porpoise.'</p> - -<p>'Wouldn't it really?' said Alice in a tone of great -surprise.</p> - -<p>'Of course not,' said the Mock Turtle: 'why, if a fish came to -<i>me</i>, and told me he was going a journey, I should say "With -what porpoise?"'</p> - -<p>'Don't you mean "purpose"?' said Alice.</p> - -<p>'I mean what I say,' the Mock Turtle replied in an offended -tone. And the Gryphon added 'Come, let's hear some of <i>your</i> -adventures.'</p> - -<p>'I could tell you my adventures--beginning from this morning,' -said Alice a little timidly: 'but it's no use going back to -yesterday, because I was a different person then.'</p> - -<p>'Explain all that,' said the Mock Turtle.</p> - -<p>'No, no! The adventures first,' said the Gryphon in an -impatient tone: 'explanations take such a dreadful time.'</p> - -<p>So Alice began telling them her adventures from the time when -she first saw the White Rabbit. She was a little nervous about it -just at first, the two creatures got so close to her, one on each -side, and opened their eyes and mouths so <i>very</i> wide, but -she gained courage as she went on. Her listeners were perfectly -quiet till she got to the part about her repeating <i>'You are -old, Father William,'</i> to the Caterpillar, and the words all -coming different, and then the Mock Turtle drew a long breath, -and said 'That's very curious.'</p> - -<p>'It's all about as curious as it can be,' said the -Gryphon.</p> - -<p>'It all came different!' the Mock Turtle repeated -thoughtfully. 'I should like to hear her try and repeat something -now. Tell her to begin.' He looked at the Gryphon as if he -thought it had some kind of authority over Alice.</p> - -<p>'Stand up and repeat <i>"'Tis the voice of the sluggard,"'</i> -said the Gryphon.</p> - -<p>'How the creatures order one about, and make one repeat -lessons!' thought Alice; 'I might as well be at school at once.' -However, she got up, and began to repeat it, but her head was so -full of the Lobster Quadrille, that she hardly knew what she was -saying, and the words came very queer indeed:--</p> - -<p>''Tis the voice of the Lobster; I heard him declare, "You have -baked me too brown, I must sugar my hair." As a duck with its -eyelids, so he with his nose Trims his belt and his buttons, and -turns out his toes.'</p> - -<p>[later editions continued as follows When the sands are all -dry, he is gay as a lark, And will talk in contemptuous tones of -the Shark, But, when the tide rises and sharks are around, His -voice has a timid and tremulous sound.]</p> - -<p>'That's different from what I used to say when I was a child,' -said the Gryphon.</p> - -<p>'Well, I never heard it before,' said the Mock Turtle; 'but it -sounds uncommon nonsense.'</p> - -<p>Alice said nothing; she had sat down with her face in her -hands, wondering if anything would <i>ever</i> happen in a -natural way again.</p> - -<p>'I should like to have it explained,' said the Mock -Turtle.</p> - -<p>'She can't explain it,' said the Gryphon hastily. 'Go on with -the next verse.'</p> - -<p>'But about his toes?' the Mock Turtle persisted. 'How -<i>could</i> he turn them out with his nose, you know?'</p> - -<p>'It's the first position in dancing.' Alice said; but was -dreadfully puzzled by the whole thing, and longed to change the -subject.</p> - -<p>'Go on with the next verse,' the Gryphon repeated impatiently: -'it begins "I passed by his garden."'</p> - -<p>Alice did not dare to disobey, though she felt sure it would -all come wrong, and she went on in a trembling voice:--</p> - -<p><i>'I passed by his garden, and marked, with one eye, How the -Owl and the Panther were sharing a pie--'</i></p> - -<p>[<tt>later editions continued as follows:</tt> <i>The Panther -took pie-crust, and gravy, and meat, While the Owl had the dish -as its share of the treat. When the pie was all finished, the -Owl, as a boon, Was kindly permitted to pocket the spoon: While -the Panther received knife and fork with a growl, And concluded -the banquet--</i>]</p> - -<p>'What <i>is</i> the use of repeating all that stuff,' the Mock Turtle -interrupted, 'if you don't explain it as you go on? It's by far -the most confusing thing I ever heard!'</p> - -<p>'Yes, I think you'd better leave off,' said the Gryphon: and -Alice was only too glad to do so.</p> - -<p>'Shall we try another figure of the Lobster Quadrille?' the -Gryphon went on. 'Or would you like the Mock Turtle to sing you a -song?'</p> - -<p>'Oh, a song, please, if the Mock Turtle would be so kind,' -Alice replied, so eagerly that the Gryphon said, in a rather -offended tone, 'Hm! No accounting for tastes! Sing her "Turtle -Soup," will you, old fellow?'</p> - -<p>The Mock Turtle sighed deeply, and began, in a voice sometimes -choked with sobs, to sing this:--</p> - -<p><i>'Beautiful Soup, so rich and green, Waiting in a hot -tureen! Who for such dainties would not stoop? Soup of the -evening, beautiful Soup! Soup of the evening, beautiful Soup! -Beau--ootiful Soo--oop! Beau--ootiful Soo--oop! Soo--oop of the -e--e--evening, Beautiful, beautiful Soup!</i></p> - -<p><i>'Beautiful Soup! Who cares for fish, Game, or any other -dish? Who would not give all else for two pennyworth only of -beautiful Soup? Pennyworth only of beautiful Soup? Beau--ootiful -Soo--oop! Beau--ootiful Soo--oop! Soo--oop of the e--e--evening, -Beautiful, beauti--FUL SOUP!'</i></p> - -<p>'Chorus again!' cried the Gryphon, and the Mock Turtle had -just begun to repeat it, when a cry of 'The trial's beginning!' -was heard in the distance.</p> - -<p>'Come on!' cried the Gryphon, and, taking Alice by the hand, -it hurried off, without waiting for the end of the song.</p> - -<p>'What trial is it?' Alice panted as she ran; but the Gryphon -only answered 'Come on!' and ran the faster, while more and more -faintly came, carried on the breeze that followed them, the -melancholy words:--</p> - -<p><i>'Soo--oop of the e--e--evening, Beautiful, beautiful -Soup!'</i></p> - -<hr> -<h3 align="Center">CHAPTER XI</h3> - -<h3 align="Center">Who Stole the Tarts?</h3> - -<p>The King and Queen of Hearts were seated on their throne when -they arrived, with a great crowd assembled about them--all sorts -of little birds and beasts, as well as the whole pack of cards: -the Knave was standing before them, in chains, with a soldier on -each side to guard him; and near the King was the White Rabbit, -with a trumpet in one hand, and a scroll of parchment in the -other. In the very middle of the court was a table, with a large -dish of tarts upon it: they looked so good, that it made Alice -quite hungry to look at them--'I wish they'd get the trial done,' -she thought, 'and hand round the refreshments!' But there seemed -to be no chance of this, so she began looking at everything about -her, to pass away the time.</p> - -<p>Alice had never been in a court of justice before, but she had -read about them in books, and she was quite pleased to find that -she knew the name of nearly everything there. 'That's the judge,' -she said to herself, 'because of his great wig.'</p> - -<p>The judge, by the way, was the King; and as he wore his crown -over the wig, (look at the frontispiece if you want to see how he -did it,) he did not look at all comfortable, and it was certainly -not becoming.</p> - -<p>'And that's the jury-box,' thought Alice, 'and those twelve -creatures,' (she was obliged to say 'creatures,' you see, because -some of them were animals, and some were birds,) 'I suppose they -are the jurors.' She said this last word two or three times over -to herself, being rather proud of it: for she thought, and -rightly too, that very few little girls of her age knew the -meaning of it at all. However, 'jury-men' would have done just as -well.</p> - -<p>The twelve jurors were all writing very busily on slates. -'What are they doing?' Alice whispered to the Gryphon. 'They -can't have anything to put down yet, before the trial's -begun.'</p> - -<p>'They're putting down their names,' the Gryphon whispered in -reply, 'for fear they should forget them before the end of the -trial.'</p> - -<p>'Stupid things!' Alice began in a loud, indignant voice, but -she stopped hastily, for the White Rabbit cried out, 'Silence in -the court!' and the King put on his spectacles and looked -anxiously round, to make out who was talking.</p> - -<p>Alice could see, as well as if she were looking over their -shoulders, that all the jurors were writing down 'stupid things!' -on their slates, and she could even make out that one of them -didn't know how to spell 'stupid,' and that he had to ask his -neighbour to tell him. 'A nice muddle their slates'll be in -before the trial's over!' thought Alice.</p> - -<p>One of the jurors had a pencil that squeaked. This of course, -Alice could <i>not</i> stand, and she went round the court and -got behind him, and very soon found an opportunity of taking it -away. She did it so quickly that the poor little juror (it was -Bill, the Lizard) could not make out at all what had become of -it; so, after hunting all about for it, he was obliged to write -with one finger for the rest of the day; and this was of very -little use, as it left no mark on the slate.</p> - -<p>'Herald, read the accusation!' said the King.</p> - -<p>On this the White Rabbit blew three blasts on the trumpet, and -then unrolled the parchment scroll, and read as follows:--</p> - -<p><i>'The Queen of Hearts, she made some tarts, All on a summer -day: The Knave of Hearts, he stole those tarts, And took them -quite away!'</i></p> - -<p>'Consider your verdict,' the King said to the jury.</p> - -<p>'Not yet, not yet!' the Rabbit hastily interrupted. 'There's a -great deal to come before that!'</p> - -<p>'Call the first witness,' said the King; and the White Rabbit -blew three blasts on the trumpet, and called out, 'First -witness!'</p> - -<p>The first witness was the Hatter. He came in with a teacup in -one hand and a piece of bread-and-butter in the other. 'I beg -pardon, your Majesty,' he began, 'for bringing these in: but I -hadn't quite finished my tea when I was sent for.'</p> - -<p>'You ought to have finished,' said the King. 'When did you -begin?'</p> - -<p>The Hatter looked at the March Hare, who had followed him into -the court, arm-in-arm with the Dormouse. 'Fourteenth of March, I -<i>think</i> it was,' he said.</p> - -<p>'Fifteenth,' said the March Hare.</p> - -<p>'Sixteenth,' added the Dormouse.</p> - -<p>'Write that down,' the King said to the jury, and the jury -eagerly wrote down all three dates on their slates, and then -added them up, and reduced the answer to shillings and pence.</p> - -<p>'Take off your hat,' the King said to the Hatter.</p> - -<p>'It isn't mine,' said the Hatter.</p> - -<p>'<i>Stolen!</i>' the King exclaimed, turning to the jury, who -instantly made a memorandum of the fact.</p> - -<p>'I keep them to sell,' the Hatter added as an explanation; -'I've none of my own. I'm a hatter.'</p> - -<p>Here the Queen put on her spectacles, and began staring at the -Hatter, who turned pale and fidgeted.</p> - -<p>'Give your evidence,' said the King; 'and don't be nervous, or -I'll have you executed on the spot.'</p> - -<p>This did not seem to encourage the witness at all: he kept -shifting from one foot to the other, looking uneasily at the -Queen, and in his confusion he bit a large piece out of his -teacup instead of the bread-and-butter.</p> - -<p>Just at this moment Alice felt a very curious sensation, which -puzzled her a good deal until she made out what it was: she was -beginning to grow larger again, and she thought at first she -would get up and leave the court; but on second thoughts she -decided to remain where she was as long as there was room for -her.</p> - -<p>'I wish you wouldn't squeeze so.' said the Dormouse, who was -sitting next to her. 'I can hardly breathe.'</p> - -<p>'I can't help it,' said Alice very meekly: 'I'm growing.'</p> - -<p>'You've no right to grow <i>here</i>,' said the Dormouse.</p> - -<p>'Don't talk nonsense,' said Alice more boldly: 'you know -you're growing too.'</p> - -<p>'Yes, but <i>I</i> grow at a reasonable pace,' said the -Dormouse: 'not in that ridiculous fashion.' And he got up very -sulkily and crossed over to the other side of the court.</p> - -<p>All this time the Queen had never left off staring at the -Hatter, and, just as the Dormouse crossed the court, she said to -one of the officers of the court, 'Bring me the list of the -singers in the last concert!' on which the wretched Hatter -trembled so, that he shook both his shoes off.</p> - -<p>'Give your evidence,' the King repeated angrily, 'or I'll have -you executed, whether you're nervous or not.'</p> - -<p>'I'm a poor man, your Majesty,' the Hatter began, in a -trembling voice, '--and I hadn't begun my tea--not above a week -or so--and what with the bread-and-butter getting so thin--and -the twinkling of the tea--'</p> - -<p>'The twinkling of the <i>what</i>?' said the King.</p> - -<p>'It <i>began</i> with the tea,' the Hatter replied.</p> - -<p>'Of course twinkling <i>begins</i> with a T!' said the King -sharply. 'Do you take me for a dunce? Go on!'</p> - -<p>'I'm a poor man,' the Hatter went on, 'and most things -twinkled after that--only the March Hare said--'</p> - -<p>'I didn't!' the March Hare interrupted in a great hurry.</p> - -<p>'You did!' said the Hatter.</p> - -<p>'I deny it!' said the March Hare.</p> - -<p>'He denies it,' said the King: 'leave out that part.'</p> - -<p>'Well, at any rate, the Dormouse said--' the Hatter went on, -looking anxiously round to see if he would deny it too: but the -Dormouse denied nothing, being fast asleep.</p> - -<p>'After that,' continued the Hatter, 'I cut some more bread- -and-butter--'</p> - -<p>'But what did the Dormouse say?' one of the jury asked.</p> - -<p>'That I can't remember,' said the Hatter.</p> - -<p>'You <i>must</i> remember,' remarked the King, 'or I'll have -you executed.'</p> - -<p>The miserable Hatter dropped his teacup and bread-and-butter, -and went down on one knee. 'I'm a poor man, your Majesty,' he -began.</p> - -<p>'You're a very poor <i>speaker</i>,' said the King.</p> - -<p>Here one of the guinea-pigs cheered, and was immediately -suppressed by the officers of the court. (As that is rather a -hard word, I will just explain to you how it was done. They had a -large canvas bag, which tied up at the mouth with strings: into -this they slipped the guinea-pig, head first, and then sat upon -it.)</p> - -<p>'I'm glad I've seen that done,' thought Alice. 'I've so often -read in the newspapers, at the end of trials, "There was some -attempts at applause, which was immediately suppressed by the -officers of the court," and I never understood what it meant till -now.'</p> - -<p>'If that's all you know about it, you may stand down,' -continued the King.</p> - -<p>'I can't go no lower,' said the Hatter: 'I'm on the floor, as -it is.'</p> - -<p>'Then you may <i>sit</i> down,' the King replied.</p> - -<p>Here the other guinea-pig cheered, and was suppressed.</p> - -<p>'Come, that finished the guinea-pigs!' thought Alice. 'Now we -shall get on better.'</p> - -<p>'I'd rather finish my tea,' said the Hatter, with an anxious -look at the Queen, who was reading the list of singers.</p> - -<p>'You may go,' said the King, and the Hatter hurriedly left the -court, without even waiting to put his shoes on.</p> - -<p>'--and just take his head off outside,' the Queen added to one -of the officers: but the Hatter was out of sight before the -officer could get to the door.</p> - -<p>'Call the next witness!' said the King.</p> - -<p>The next witness was the Duchess's cook. She carried the -pepper-box in her hand, and Alice guessed who it was, even before -she got into the court, by the way the people near the door began -sneezing all at once.</p> - -<p>'Give your evidence,' said the King.</p> - -<p>'Shan't,' said the cook.</p> - -<p>The King looked anxiously at the White Rabbit, who said in a -low voice, 'Your Majesty must cross-examine <i>this</i> witness.'</p> - -<p>'Well, if I must, I must,' the King said, with a melancholy -air, and, after folding his arms and frowning at the cook till -his eyes were nearly out of sight, he said in a deep voice, 'What -are tarts made of?'</p> - -<p>'Pepper, mostly,' said the cook.</p> - -<p>'Treacle,' said a sleepy voice behind her.</p> - -<p>'Collar that Dormouse,' the Queen shrieked out. 'Behead that -Dormouse! Turn that Dormouse out of court! Suppress him! Pinch -him! Off with his whiskers!'</p> - -<p>For some minutes the whole court was in confusion, getting the -Dormouse turned out, and, by the time they had settled down -again, the cook had disappeared.</p> - -<p>'Never mind!' said the King, with an air of great relief. -'Call the next witness.' And he added in an undertone to the -Queen, 'Really, my dear, <i>you</i> must cross-examine the next -witness. It quite makes my forehead ache!'</p> - -<p>Alice watched the White Rabbit as he fumbled over the list, -feeling very curious to see what the next witness would be like, -'--for they haven't got much evidence <i>yet</i>,' she said to -herself. Imagine her surprise, when the White Rabbit read out, at -the top of his shrill little voice, the name 'Alice!'</p> - -<hr> -<h3 align="Center">CHAPTER XII</h3> - -<h3 align="Center">Alice's Evidence</h3> - -<p>'Here!' cried Alice, quite forgetting in the flurry of the -moment how large she had grown in the last few minutes, and she -jumped up in such a hurry that she tipped over the jury-box with -the edge of her skirt, upsetting all the jurymen on to the heads -of the crowd below, and there they lay sprawling about, reminding -her very much of a globe of goldfish she had accidentally upset -the week before.</p> - -<p>'Oh, I <i>beg</i> your pardon!' she exclaimed in a tone of -great dismay, and began picking them up again as quickly as she -could, for the accident of the goldfish kept running in her head, -and she had a vague sort of idea that they must be collected at -once and put back into the jury-box, or they would die.</p> - -<p>'The trial cannot proceed,' said the King in a very grave -voice, 'until all the jurymen are back in their proper places-- -<i>all</i>,' he repeated with great emphasis, looking hard at -Alice as he said do.</p> - -<p>Alice looked at the jury-box, and saw that, in her haste, she -had put the Lizard in head downwards, and the poor little thing -was waving its tail about in a melancholy way, being quite unable -to move. She soon got it out again, and put it right; 'not that -it signifies much,' she said to herself; 'I should think it would -be <i>quite</i> as much use in the trial one way up as the -other.'</p> - -<p>As soon as the jury had a little recovered from the shock of -being upset, and their slates and pencils had been found and -handed back to them, they set to work very diligently to write -out a history of the accident, all except the Lizard, who seemed -too much overcome to do anything but sit with its mouth open, -gazing up into the roof of the court.</p> - -<p>'What do you know about this business?' the King said to -Alice.</p> - -<p>'Nothing,' said Alice.</p> - -<p>'Nothing <i>whatever?</i>' persisted the King.</p> - -<p>'Nothing <i>whatever,</i>' said Alice.</p> - -<p>'That's very important,' the King said, turning to the jury. -They were just beginning to write this down on their slates, when -the White Rabbit interrupted: '<i>Un</i>important, your Majesty -means, of course,' he said in a very respectful tone, but -frowning and making faces at him as he spoke.</p> - -<p>'<i>Un</i>important, of course, I meant,' the King hastily -said, and went on to himself in an undertone, -'important--unimportant-- unimportant--important--' as if he were -trying which word sounded best.</p> - -<p>Some of the jury wrote it down 'important,' and some -'unimportant.' Alice could see this, as she was near enough to -look over their slates; 'but it doesn't matter a bit,' she -thought to herself.</p> - -<p>At this moment the King, who had been for some time busily -writing in his note-book, cackled out 'Silence!' and read out -from his book, 'Rule Forty-two. <i>All persons more than a mile -hight to leave the court</i>.'</p> - -<p>Everybody looked at Alice.</p> - -<p>'<i>I'm</i> not a mile high,' said Alice.</p> - -<p>'You are,' said the King.</p> - -<p>'Nearly two miles high,' added the Queen.</p> - -<p>'Well, I shan't go, at any rate,' said Alice: 'besides, that's -not a regular rule: you invented it just now.'</p> - -<p>'It's the oldest rule in the book,' said the King.</p> - -<p>'Then it ought to be Number One,' said Alice.</p> - -<p>The King turned pale, and shut his note-book hastily. -'Consider your verdict,' he said to the jury, in a low, trembling -voice.</p> - -<p>'There's more evidence to come yet, please your Majesty,' said -the White Rabbit, jumping up in a great hurry; 'this paper has -just been picked up.'</p> - -<p>'What's in it?' said the Queen.</p> - -<p>'I haven't opened it yet,' said the White Rabbit, 'but it -seems to be a letter, written by the prisoner to--to -somebody.'</p> - -<p>'It must have been that,' said the King, 'unless it was -written to nobody, which isn't usual, you know.'</p> - -<p>'Who is it directed to?' said one of the jurymen.</p> - -<p>'It isn't directed at all,' said the White Rabbit; 'in fact, -there's nothing written on the <i>outside</i>.' He unfolded the -paper as he spoke, and added 'It isn't a letter, after all: it's -a set of verses.'</p> - -<p>'Are they in the prisoner's handwriting?' asked another of -they jurymen.</p> - -<p>'No, they're not,' said the White Rabbit, 'and that's the -queerest thing about it.' (The jury all looked puzzled.)</p> - -<p>'He must have imitated somebody else's hand,' said the King. -(The jury all brightened up again.)</p> - -<p>'Please your Majesty,' said the Knave, 'I didn't write it, and -they can't prove I did: there's no name signed at the end.'</p> - -<p>'If you didn't sign it,' said the King, 'that only makes the -matter worse. You <i>must</i> have meant some mischief, or else -you'd have signed your name like an honest man.'</p> - -<p>There was a general clapping of hands at this: it was the -first really clever thing the King had said that day.</p> - -<p>'That <i>proves</i> his guilt,' said the Queen.</p> - -<p>'It proves nothing of the sort!' said Alice. 'Why, you don't -even know what they're about!'</p> - -<p>'Read them,' said the King.</p> - -<p>The White Rabbit put on his spectacles. 'Where shall I begin, -please your Majesty?' he asked.</p> - -<p>'Begin at the beginning,' the King said gravely, 'and go on -till you come to the end: then stop.'</p> - -<p>These were the verses the White Rabbit read:--</p> - -<p><i>'They told me you had been to her, And mentioned me to him: -She gave me a good character, But said I could not swim.</i></p> - -<p><i>He sent them word I had not gone (We know it to be true): -If she should push the matter on, What would become of -you?</i></p> - -<p><i>I gave her one, they gave him two, You gave us three or -more; They all returned from him to you, Though they were mine -before.</i></p> - -<p><i>If I or she should chance to be Involved in this affair, He -trusts to you to set them free, Exactly as we were.</i></p> - -<p><i>My notion was that you had been (Before she had this fit) -An obstacle that came between Him, and ourselves, and it.</i></p> - -<p><i>Don't let him know she liked them best, For this must ever -be A secret, kept from all the rest, Between yourself and -me.'</i></p> - -<p>'That's the most important piece of evidence we've heard yet,' -said the King, rubbing his hands; 'so now let the jury--'</p> - -<p>'If any one of them can explain it,' said Alice, (she had -grown so large in the last few minutes that she wasn't a bit -afraid of interrupting him,) 'I'll give him sixpence. _I_ don't -believe there's an atom of meaning in it.'</p> - -<p>The jury all wrote down on their slates, '<i>She</i> doesn't -believe there's an atom of meaning in it,' but none of them -attempted to explain the paper.</p> - -<p>'If there's no meaning in it,' said the King, 'that saves a -world of trouble, you know, as we needn't try to find any. And -yet I don't know,' he went on, spreading out the verses on his -knee, and looking at them with one eye; 'I seem to see some -meaning in them, after all. "<i>-said I could not swim--</i>" you -can't swim, can you?' he added, turning to the Knave.</p> - -<p>The Knave shook his head sadly. 'Do I look like it?' he said. -(Which he certainly did <i>not</i>, being made entirely of -cardboard.)</p> - -<p>'All right, so far,' said the King, and he went on muttering -over the verses to himself: '"<i>We know it to be true--</i>" -that's the jury, of course-- "<i>I gave her one, they gave him -two--</i>" why, that must be what he did with the tarts, you -know--'</p> - -<p>'But, it goes on "<i>they all returned from him to you,</i>"' -said Alice.</p> - -<p>'Why, there they are!' said the King triumphantly, pointing to -the tarts on the table. 'Nothing can be clearer than <i>that</i>. -Then again--"<i>before she had this fit-</i>-" you never had -<i>fits</i>, my dear, I think?' he said to the Queen.</p> - -<p>'Never!' said the Queen furiously, throwing an inkstand at the -Lizard as she spoke. (The unfortunate little Bill had left off -writing on his slate with one finger, as he found it made no -mark; but he now hastily began again, using the ink, that was -trickling down his face, as long as it lasted.)</p> - -<p>'Then the words don't <i>fit</i> you,' said the King, looking -round the court with a smile. There was a dead silence.</p> - -<p>'It's a pun!' the King added in an offended tone, and -everybody laughed, 'Let the jury consider their verdict,' the -King said, for about the twentieth time that day.</p> - -<p>'No, no!' said the Queen. 'Sentence first--verdict -afterwards.'</p> - -<p>'Stuff and nonsense!' said Alice loudly. 'The idea of having -the sentence first!'</p> - -<p>'Hold your tongue!' said the Queen, turning purple.</p> - -<p>'I won't!' said Alice.</p> - -<p>'Off with her head!' the Queen shouted at the top of her -voice. Nobody moved.</p> - -<p>'Who cares for you?' said Alice, (she had grown to her full -size by this time.) 'You're nothing but a pack of cards!'</p> - -<p>At this the whole pack rose up into the air, and came flying -down upon her: she gave a little scream, half of fright and half -of anger, and tried to beat them off, and found herself lying on -the bank, with her head in the lap of her sister, who was gently -brushing away some dead leaves that had fluttered down from the -trees upon her face.</p> - -<p>'Wake up, Alice dear!' said her sister; 'Why, what a long -sleep you've had!'</p> - -<p>'Oh, I've had such a curious dream!' said Alice, and she told -her sister, as well as she could remember them, all these strange -Adventures of hers that you have just been reading about; and -when she had finished, her sister kissed her, and said, 'It -<i>was</i> a curious dream, dear, certainly: but now run in to -your tea; it's getting late.' So Alice got up and ran off, -thinking while she ran, as well she might, what a wonderful dream -it had been.</p> - -<p>But her sister sat still just as she left her, leaning her -head on her hand, watching the setting sun, and thinking of -little Alice and all her wonderful Adventures, till she too began -dreaming after a fashion, and this was her dream:--</p> - -<p>First, she dreamed of little Alice herself, and once again the -tiny hands were clasped upon her knee, and the bright eager eyes -were looking up into hers--she could hear the very tones of her -voice, and see that queer little toss of her head to keep back -the wandering hair that <i>would</i> always get into her -eyes--and still as she listened, or seemed to listen, the whole -place around her became alive the strange creatures of her little -sister's dream.</p> - -<p>The long grass rustled at her feet as the White Rabbit hurried -by--the frightened Mouse splashed his way through the -neighbouring pool--she could hear the rattle of the teacups as -the March Hare and his friends shared their never-ending meal, -and the shrill voice of the Queen ordering off her unfortunate -guests to execution--once more the pig-baby was sneezing on the -Duchess's knee, while plates and dishes crashed around it--once -more the shriek of the Gryphon, the squeaking of the Lizard's -slate-pencil, and the choking of the suppressed guinea-pigs, -filled the air, mixed up with the distant sobs of the miserable -Mock Turtle.</p> - -<p>So she sat on, with closed eyes, and half believed herself in -Wonderland, though she knew she had but to open them again, and -all would change to dull reality--the grass would be only -rustling in the wind, and the pool rippling to the waving of the -reeds--the rattling teacups would change to tinkling sheep-bells, -and the Queen's shrill cries to the voice of the shepherd -boy--and the sneeze of the baby, the shriek of the Gryphon, and -all the other queer noises, would change (she knew) to the -confused clamour of the busy farm-yard--while the lowing of the -cattle in the distance would take the place of the Mock Turtle's -heavy sobs.</p> - -<p>Lastly, she pictured to herself how this same little sister of -hers would, in the after-time, be herself a grown woman; and how -she would keep, through all her riper years, the simple and -loving heart of her childhood: and how she would gather about her -other little children, and make <i>their</i> eyes bright and eager with -many a strange tale, perhaps even with the dream of Wonderland of -long ago: and how she would feel with all their simple sorrows, -and find a pleasure in all their simple joys, remembering her own -child-life, and the happy summer days.</p> - -<p>End of the Project Gutenberg Etext of Alice's Adventures in -Wonderland</p> - -</body> -</html> |